Rather than actually tackling climate change, our governments have chosen to invest in some truly hare-brained schemes to rescue the reef.
A grateful nation is farewelling its great leader Scott Morrison, who over three decades in power transformed Australia into a carbon powerhouse and ended the threat of economic terrorism.
Climate change? Pfft. Forget about it! The real danger comes from African gangs... and gender-neutral toilets... and asylum seekers... and those terrifying electric cars!
Breaking news: Labor won't be taking any more money stuffed in Aldi bags.
Keen to get to the bottom of the leadership coup that topped Malcolm Turnbull but can't be bothered reading a whole book? Well now you don't have to!
A close analysis of Labor's most recent manoeuvres proves they are still as much in opposition as they ever were!
Gone but unfortunately not forgotten, Tony Abbott still has a few options in his eternal mission to remain irritatingly close to the centre of public imagination.
Over a hot cup of marshmallows, the glistening Labor leader tells all about loving to pull miners out of mines and on the fair distribution of goes.