(Image: Tom Red/Private Media)

Christian Porter has resigned from the ministry, but he should go from Parliament altogether. Madonna King helps him out by writing his resignation letter.

Dear voters,

These calls for me to resign from Parliament ignore my prodigious talent; it’s pure media drivel aimed at destroying the future prime minister.

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I have been marked for great things since primary school. Intelligence. Ability to work across groups. Superior communication skills.

My work record stands for itself. A state prosecutor, where those who didn’t abide by the laws were punished. A state treasurer, where I knew where every dollar came from — and how it was spent.

I was lured to federal politics eight years ago, because — as people have been repeatedly telling me — I was destined for big things. That’s why I moved to the frontbench before becoming the highest legal officer in the land.

I know the law. I know right from wrong. But that means nought when a sensational and self-serving media, hundreds of them funded by you as taxpayers, want to cut down a tall poppy. And I am as tall as they come.

My determination to do the right thing left me with no choice but to launch defamation action. The accusations were wrong then, and they are wrong now. I’ve spent my life ensuring those not abiding by the law are punished, that those who stray from the rules pay.

That’s all history now. What’s not is the enormous cost to me, personally and professionally. The attorney-general’s job was taken from me — despite knowing I could both oversee the court and argue inside it at the same time. It’s not rocket science. Some people might not be able to do that. But I knew I could.

And it’s the same with this blind trust. I know the law. A state prosecutor. The Commonwealth attorney-general. And I’ve followed it to the letter.

Accountability is not a law. Transparency is not a legislative requirement. I revealed exactly what was required of me, when it was required.

Can you imagine if an anonymous donor to a charity was revealed, against their will? Why should it be any different in this case? If the person wanted to have their name in headlights, they wouldn’t have donated to a blind trust! Blind Freddy knows that. 

Perhaps they wanted to do something for the greater good. Perhaps they understood the unfairness with which I was being treated. Perhaps they, too, had suffered the brutality of a media pack that struggles to understand anything complex — like blind trusts and pecuniary interests.

I thought resigning the ministry would end this chase. But — and this is very rare — I have been proved wrong.

My good friend Barnaby Joyce, another big intellect, agrees that my actions have been perfectly legal. He said as much, as acting prime minister. And that I’d be back on the frontbench. He didn’t say it, but he knows I was destined to be his boss.

How did he coin it? I’d had “a bad day at the wicket”. Good communication skills too. And all Australian cricket captains have copped a bad day. Although if I was honest this week’s been more like Steve Smith’s than any I can remember Allan Border copping.

The problem is that not all MPs — even on my side — are as cerebral as Barnaby and me. I shouldn’t name names, but Simon Birmingham’s performance at the weekend was a masterclass in how not to support a colleague. He faltered. That’s death in politics. Look down the barrel of that camera and do not falter. I never do.

Some are trying to make accountability the issue here. It’s not. Did voters put us back into power at the last election because of our unwavering support for accountability? Of course not. You voted for us because you despised Bill Shorten. Remember?

And with me going, you might be getting Shorten-lite on my side, and Anthony Albanese — who will never be accused of anything because he never does anything — on the other side.

This Parliament needs me. But I’ve decided, after consulting myself, that I don’t need it.

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Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
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