Lockdown has hit. You’re a recently single extrovert stuck inside with one housemate and a cat. What do you do to distract yourself from the growing sense of existential dread?
The ‘burden your parents’ stage
Your interstate parents now seem like some of the most interesting people on the planet. The feeling isn’t mutual.
You schedule a virtual games night with your family, only to be hampered by 30 minutes of wait time while your dad reads out the Zoom meeting password to each sibling over the phone — one by one.
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It’s the highlight of your week.
The ‘fitness craze’ stage
You’re incapable of running further than your letterbox but decide that that’s probably more to do with the old pair of sneakers you’ve been using for the past two years than the fact your hobbies consist of sitting, slouching, and lying down.
You purchase a ludicrously expensive pair of sneakers and surprise yourself with how far you can run.
But your legs are so sore the next day that you can’t run for the next week and by then, jogging seems like a ridiculous way to spend your time.
The ‘obsession with your pet’ stage
For the first week of lockdown, your cat was pretty stoked you were around all the time.
Now, she’s starting to look at you like there’s a bad smell in the room.
You buy a cardboard cat castle, complete with a drawbridge, to try to win her love back.
You wonder if you spend your money on frivolous things.