(Image: Private Media)

Lockdown has hit. You’re a recently single extrovert stuck inside with one housemate and a cat. What do you do to distract yourself from the growing sense of existential dread?

The online shopping stage

You’re about $1000 down in online shopping, from home improvement to outfits you’ll never wear to toys your cat will ignore.

You thought retail therapy would be relaxing. Instead, three parcels are delayed, two are lost and one store sends you clothes with all the security tags still on. 

There's more to Crikey than you think.

Get more and save 50%.

Subscribe now

Luckily for you, lockdown is extended. Looks like you’ll get some wear out of that matching tracksuit set after all. 

Actual therapy would have been cheaper. 

The social media stage

Next, you decide maybe you’ll become social-media famous and increase your Twitter following by writing a few hilarious tweets. 

“Lockdown tip: segregate your workspace and your living space. For example, the left side of my bed is for sleeping, the right for literally everything else.”

Hahaha. You’re a genius. You spend the next 30 minutes refreshing the page to check how many likes you get. 

But you can’t think of anything else funny to say, so you stop tweeting for the next fortnight and move on to the third season of the drama you don’t care about. 

The walk ‘n’ w(h)ine stage

In full gym gear, including those Nikes you recently purchased even though you’re not capable of running more than 300 metres at a time, you go to meet a friend for some exercise. 

On the way, you pick up a couple of takeaway cocktails and end up getting far too drunk in a deserted park. It brings you back to your teenage years, only this time the alcohol is more palatable. 

You’re almost late for your morning meeting at work the next day and are tempted to use “got stuck in traffic” as an excuse. Maybe you should try your hand at Twitter fame after all.

There's more to Crikey than you think.

It’s more than a newsletter. It’s where readers expect more – fearless journalism from a truly independent perspective. We don’t pander to anyone’s party biases. We question everything, explore the uncomfortable and dig deeper.

And now you get more from your membership than ever before.

Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
Get more and save 50%