Margaret Court AHRC

Every year the Australian Open seems to coincide with a new Margaret Court controversy.

Even in 2021, with players being bundled out with COVID-19 weeks before the tournament begins and many stuck in hotel quarantine, the headlines are all about Margaret Court and her Australia Day AC gong.

What can we expect to be fighting about during future Australian Opens? We took a sneak peek at the inevitable upcoming Court-roversies.

2022: We debate whether Margaret Court should be Australia’s next ambassador to the United States.

2023: A furore over whether she should be governor-general (for her tennis achievements, of course).

2024: Vegemite releases MargieMite 2.0. Should it really be named after her?

2025: Growing calls to cancel Night Court, her sports show on Sky News After Dark.

2026: Controversy erupts over her planned Botany Bay landing reenactment.

2027: Controversy erupts over her planned ANZAC landing reenactment.

2028: She releases a new book. Just a new book launch? Really. But you just wait until you read the lengthy sections that have nothing to do with her tennis achievements…

2029: Her second tilt for the governor-general job.

2030: MargieMite 3.0.

2031: Some comments she made on her weekly Sunrise slot go viral (for the wrong reasons).

2032: Should her 90th birthday celebrations take place at the Australian Open?

2033: It’s been eight years, but has the Night Court writers room finally run out of ideas for edgy comedy skits?

2034: Should stop talking about Margaret Court?

2035: Some shocking revelations from her tell-all interview with JetPackTennisDaily.

2036: AI has worked out a way to get her in the news this time. We have a 0.000187% chance of predicting what it comes up with.

2037: 54% of respondents to a state-run survey say that they haven’t quite had enough of Margaret Court so we go another year.

2038: MargieMite 4.0. It’s an even saltier version of MargieMite 3.0. Some people complain that it leaves a bitter aftertaste.

2039: Court announces that she will take back everything she said about LGBTIQ+ people. The PM introduces her to the packed, newly renovated Rod Laver Arena. Hush. 78,900 people sit in an eerie silence. She ambles onstage and doubles down on everything she’s said about LGBTIQ+ people.

2040: Nobody is quite sure how it will come to everyone talking about Margaret Court during the Australian Open. But it just happens.

2041: How should the Australian Open celebrate Margaret Court’s 100th birthday next year?

2042: It’s a right royal brouhaha about what the king should write in Margaret Court’s 100th birthday letter. (Yes, we’re still not a republic!)

2043 onwards: We find that Margaret Court is immortal and this will go on forever.

Peter Fray

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