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Release the bats

In a refreshing change to the normal bat-to-human disease vector, American bat researchers are now socially distancing from their subject for fear of transferring the coronavirus to them. Which, frankly, is more consideration than the furry little bastards showed for us.

Bats, as we know, are essentially leather-winged virus-pouches just waiting to dump zoonotic diseases on unsuspecting species; even benign ones like humans who are just gently going about their personal business, destroying irreplaceable ecosystems and slaughtering animals in unsanitary conditions in regional wet markets.

And while SARS-CoV-19 was most likely a dormant bat virus before hitting the big time as a global human pandemic, it’s worth pointing out only a handful of species have been found to carry it. That means that US-based bats might be susceptible to catching it from the millions of infected Americans -- or, since bats are generally immune to their many, many, many, many betacoronaviruses, getting COVID-19 into an otherwise unsullied bat population might even help a new and more terrifying disease develop out of the virus’ ingredients. Yes, bats are not just miracles of immunity, but also biological nightmare laboratories.