Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Image: Reuters/Jonathan Ernst)

What happens to Donald Trump’s advisers when they leave his orbit?

Here’s a rundown on the current activities of the president’s motley crew of former staffers and confidants:

Brad Parscale

Trump’s former campaign manager was admitted to hospital last weekend after allegedly threatening suicide. Parscale’s wife Candice, who alleged he’d abused her, called police after fleeing the couple’s Fort Lauderdale, Florida home. Parscale had locked himself in a room with his guns. He’d been drinking heavily. Parscale, whose Facebook necromancy was key to Trump’s shock 2016 win, today announced he was resigning from the campaign, citing “overwhelming stress.” Candice now denies he was violent.

Michael Cohen

Trump’s former personal attorney Michael Cohen went to jail in 2019 for breaching campaign finance laws. He’s now a free man and currently on the anti-Trump book and MSNBC talking head redemption arc, comparing the president to a mob boss, and documenting his “low opinion of all black people.”

Roger Stone

Former Trump adviser, a former pal, and GOP dark arts practitioner jailed for lying to Congress, then freed by Trump, this week advised the president to go full tinpot dictator and bring in martial law if he loses in November.

Phoning into Alex Jones’ Infowars, Stone said Trump should arrest Hillary Clinton, Tim Cook, Mark Zuckerberg and “anybody else who can be proven to be involved in illegal activity”.

Kellyanne Conway

Trump’s senior adviser resigned on August 23 after her family’s distaste for her job reached fever pitch. Husband George is a leading “never-Trumper”. Teenage daughter Claudia despises her mother’s work for the administration and wants emancipation.

“Less drama more mama,” Conway said of her decision. 

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders

Trump’s former press secretary, is one of the few previous White House staffers whose book, published last month, gushes about the president. In it, she describes former colleague Josh Raffel as a “a liberal, aggressive, foulmouthed Jew from New York City,” (all banter, apparently), and recounts the time Kim Jong-Un winked at her

“Kim Jong-un hit on you!” Trump said.

“Well, Sarah, that settles it. You’re going to North Korea and taking one for the team! Your husband and kids will miss you, but you’ll be a hero to your country!”

She was last seen getting bodied by the ABC’s Leigh Sales.

Steve Bannon

Trump’s former chief strategist was arrested last month and charged with fraud over his attempts to allegedly rip-off investors raising funds for a Mexican border wall. Bannon was found by the feds lounging on a on a 150-foot yacht owned by fugitive Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui, accused back home of money laundering bribery and rape.

Peter Fray

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Editor-in-chief of Crikey

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