the bachelor
The Bachelor 2020 (Image: Ten)

Hello, I’m from the Red Rose Preservation Society and I am here today to help you mourn the useless death of another bunch of innocent flowers in the shameless pursuit of TV ratings.

Of course Osher, Bimbo the Bearded Bach, Network Ten and assorted timeserving producers are the real culprits for this scentless slaughter -- but so, dear reader, are the desperates who are watching the needless slaughter on Ten.

All those young people who mixed up cross-pollination with direct fertilisation of proud plants like the red rose.