Scene: a quiet French-style bistro in Melbourne, during the curfew, lockdown, middle of winter, and God knows what comes next. It's just your average cosy little place where the local paisans and bohemians come to wile away a few hours over bitter black syrup, passed through liquid nitrogen and served in three test-tubes with a slice of almond rocca.

Rene, the proprietor, is sitting at one of the cafe tables, with the curiously large amount of food he always had amid Nazi-occupied France.

RENE: 'Allo 'allo! You know, in normal circumstances, it would be necessary to explain to younger readers that 'Allo 'Allo was a popular British television sitcom of the 1980s set in France during World War II. However, this is Crikey, so our younger readers will have watched it at the time. For our older readers, television is a device like radio, but with pictures. Consult the Muirs' advertisments in The Argus for more information.