The Roman emperor Theodosius (ruled 379-395 AD) -- wow, watching all this Easter malarkey from the banks of the river Styx -- must be pissed off.

"They're venerating Jesus? A composite of some Essene mystic named Jeshua and a few other marketplace prophets? Paul? That travelling salesman of a Judaic-Hellenic philosophical hybrid, deified Platonism? Constantine? He only made this damn spreading cult of Christism legal! I made it bloody compulsorily! That's how it spread!

"Don't you understand how things work? I mean Jupiter, Zoroaster, Mithras whoever, has just sent you a huuuuuuuge message about how things transmit, and change, and persist, but are you paying attention? Oh, no. No one remembers Theodosius, yet my action literally made most of you who you are! Dammit! Fake Zeus!"