royals meghan markle prince harry royal family crisis
(Image: EPA/Neil Hall)

So, the Queen is OK(ish) about Harry and Meghan's desire to be part-time royals. But what's the real story? Crikey can reveal what really went down at the Sandringham crisis summit, thanks to recording devices implanted in specially bred Corgis.

The transcript is reproduced here in the public interest.

HER MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH: Right, well, you know why I’ve brought you all here today.

PRINCE EDWARD: I don’t. What’s going on?

QUEEN [whispering]: Charles… who is that?

PRINCE CHARLES: That’s Edward, mummy. Your youngest son.

QUEEN: Oh! Oh yes. Don’t worry about it, Edward. You can go out and play.

EDWARD: Hooray!

QUEEN: Now, what we need to do is figure out a way through this whole Harry mess.

PRINCE HARRY: I don’t much care for that phrasing, grandmother. All we’re saying is that we don’t want to work in the family business.