Two Fridays ago, Peter Dutton woke up thinking he’d become prime minister that day. So convinced were Dutton and his camp that they had it in the bag that his numbers men went out for dinner the night before the likely spill; the only hurdle, they thought, was getting enough signatories for the party room meeting petition. Turns out they should have stayed at the office working the phones, like Scott Morrison did. They might have found the three votes to stop Morrison winning 45-40.
Expecting to win, Dutton had flown his family down from Queensland. After the defeat, the Duttons went out for lunch, where they were photographed. Politics is a cruel, cruel business, and while many readers will laugh off the idea, it’s hard not to feel for anyone put through that emotional wringer, even if by their own ambition.
As it turns out, the process appears to have affected Dutton more than it first appeared. Joe Hockey went into a funk for months after narrowly missing the Liberal leadership in 2009 — crueled, he believed, by Malcolm Turnbull’s decision to run, which prevented him from beating Tony Abbott. Dutton isn’t in a funk. He’s in a towering rage, not just about losing, but about the relentless attacks on him, his use of ministerial discretion in the interests of the connected and the influential and, yesterday, by allegations he’d helped some mates with jobs.
[What is ‘parliamentary privilege’ and can I use it to slag off my enemies?]
That culminated in an extraordinary moment when Dutton lashed out in parliament at the man whom he believes is his chief tormentor, former Australian Border Force head Roman Quaedvlieg, claiming the latter “groomed a girl 30 years younger”. Grooming, of course, is a verb very explicitly linked, including in legislation, to paedophilia. Presumably Dutton is referring not to a “girl” but a woman in her ’20s with whom Quaedvlieg was linked in relation to the matter that ended his leadership of ABF. If Dutton has some sort of moral issue with middle-aged men having relationships with much younger women, you’d assume he would start with a slightly more high-profile case involving someone who sits down the other end of the chamber from him on his own side. But that doesn’t explain why he chose to use a smear word like “groom”, except that he knew he could get away with it behind parliamentary privilege.
Liberal-National Party politicians have some form here. George Brandis used the Senate to smear Julia Gillard as a “crook” and never had the guts to repeat it outside parliament, or the decency to produce any evidence. But Dutton has gone much further, in a way that suggests his judgement is now badly impaired. Whether it’s the pressure of being targeted on so many fronts, or his fury of being robbed of a prime ministership he believed was his, Peter Dutton needs some time off to reflect not merely on his hysterical overreaction to Quaedvlieg, but whether recent events suggest his political talents are quite as great as he believes they are. Presumably, if he retains his seat, Dutton will want to be a contender for the leadership after the next election. On current form, his colleagues — or however many of them survive — will be thinking of looking elsewhere.
Where do you think Peter Dutton should go on holiday? Write to [email protected].

48 thoughts on “Dutton needs a break for his own good”
klewso
September 12, 2018 at 2:16 pmYou might say he’s got a “seized mentality”?
Jimbo from Logan
September 12, 2018 at 2:19 pmI feel as much sorrow for Dutton as he feels for the people he’s torturing overseas. Dutton is now unravelling as all his dodgy decisions come back to haunt him. Pro Tip: if someone has evidence against you, best not to gratuitously try to humiliate them.
Arky
September 12, 2018 at 2:29 pm“If Dutton has some sort of moral issue with middle-aged men having relationships with much younger women, you’d assume he would start with a slightly more high-profile case involving someone who sits down the other end of the chamber from him on his own side.”
Is this a Barnaby Joyce reference or is there something even more salacious?
DF
September 12, 2018 at 3:03 pmI wondered for about 15 seconds and decided it must be a reference to the previous Deputy PM.
lpcf
September 12, 2018 at 2:31 pmUp Shit Creek seems appropriate for a sociopath like Dutton. I think it flows past Nauru & Manus Is.
Venise Alstergren
September 12, 2018 at 3:07 pmPerhaps the electorate could do with a holiday from Peter Dutton. Buy him an airline ticket to Outer Mongolia and lift his passport in the process. It could be months before he can explain that one.
klewso
September 12, 2018 at 3:15 pmTo whom ….?
Venise Alstergren
September 12, 2018 at 3:17 pmI’ve heard that the Mongolian wallopers are no friends of the Queernsland wallopers. Ha
klewso
September 12, 2018 at 3:27 pmHow much are those tickets – flights and frights?
Venise Alstergren
September 12, 2018 at 3:50 pmMelbourne – Bangkok = Cathay Pacific
Bangkok -Beijing = China Southern Airlines
Beijing – Hohhot (inner Mongolia) Desperately hard to get a booking for this flight.
Hohhot-Stay at Hohot hotel opp. railway station. View, the great mosque.
Hohhot-Ulan Bator (outer Mongolia)Even harder to get a booking.
This little lot could take the wind out of Dutton’s sails. Add to that, arriving sans passport, and I can see Dutton’s odious face going various shades of red.
Vasco
September 12, 2018 at 6:37 pmThanks Venise and klewso for the laugh. I volunteer to take him to the airport
AR
September 13, 2018 at 6:36 amI’ll tip in $100 for a ticket fund. One way.
(the other) HR Nicholls
September 12, 2018 at 3:34 pmThis deadshit ideologue will get all the sympathy he’s earned, none, and it’ll only get funnier once he gets blasted out of office.
Itsarort
September 12, 2018 at 3:56 pm“Look at the lawman, beating-up the wrong guy…”; Life on Mars comes to the Liberal Party – “Look at those cave men go…”.
bushby jane
September 12, 2018 at 3:58 pmDon’t remember Dutton getting excited about Barnaby Joyce getting his new girlfriend an in-house job, nor did Barnaby get the sack for same. Cannot think of anywhere bad enough to send Dutton, as it would inflict him on some other poor sods.
old greybearded one
September 12, 2018 at 4:09 pmHey Dumbum Dutton, if Quadvlieg was grooming his girlfriend, what the hell was Joyce doing then?
Dog's Breakfast
September 12, 2018 at 5:52 pmThe grooming comment was below the belt, way below the belt. A jumping of the shark I would say.
He has lost it. He might very well be the right’s Mark Latham in years to come, bitter and bilious, reactionary and holding grudges long forgotten by everyone else.
Hey Pete, haven’t you heard, politics is a rough and tumble game and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LNP may have dodged a rather large bullet not voting for him. Alas, the baseball bats are primed and ready to be swung, with just a bit more glee now.