Jane Garrett

Former Victorian emergency services minister Jane Garrett

Your correspondent was slaving over an Illustrator file Monday evening, into the third hour of his masterpiece, Put Jane Back in the Game, in which players move a token of Jane Garrett around a board consisting of Melbourne’s metro state lower house seats. Players have to land on a safe Labor seat that doesn’t require an actual fight, and is available to the kooky CFMMEU/ex-SDA/AWU mash-up faction Garrett is riding (variously known as CU-IL, the Garrett-Somyurek left/right, and the Witches of Brunswick meets the Mod Squad). Every time you landed, you had to answer a question from a "dance card". For example: If you won (very outer-west) Melton would you move to the West? a) Yes, of course, b) Sure, I love Essendon, c) bite me, bogans. Readers are invited to guess which answer Garrett gave to a preselection committee ...