All last week, British media were bound by British mania to report every scrap of news with any royal wedding odour at all. The Times called on “plant experts” to assess the toxicity of the royal wedding cake. The BBC documented the work of an unauthorised royal wedding cake baker who’d sculpted bride and groom in sponge. Several outlets reported that UK Opposition Leader Jeremy Corbyn would not be free to watch the stately alienation on TV. None did so, however, with the passion of Murdoch rag, The Sun.

Corbyn’s act was not only that of an “arch republican” but of a man so indifferent to human joy, he would “not watch the happy couple walk down the aisle”. No, he’d rather spend a bitter day, “speaking at an economic conference in London”. Probably about nonsense like homeless Britons, such as those cleared from the streets of Windsor in time for all the enchantment this modern fairytale would bring.