Razer's Class Warfare

Mar 29, 2018

Razer: I believe Andrew Bolt is the first robot to pass the Turing Test

Really the only explanation for Andrew Bolt's remarkable (quantity, not quality) output is that he's a big ol' android.

Helen Razer — Writer and broadcaster

Helen Razer

Writer and broadcaster

Say what you like about the work of Andrew Bolt, but there’s an awful lot of it about. Forget, for a moment, the product of the man’s labour and marvel only at his capacity to produce. We needn’t hold with the ABC view that Bolt “clearly has a great intellect” to freely applaud his true genius: staying awake. We may think poorly of his regular columns, frequent radio broadcasts, daily television program or incessantly updated blog. But, what we may not legitimately do is call the guy a loafer.

Some may call him a calculating bigot, an alphabet vandal or a thinker fatally unencumbered by thought. Others may describe him as, say, an unsightly symptom of epochal sickness, a stack of turds, or the sort of boy-conservative so failed and over-eager that even Grandpa Hayek couldn’t bring himself to cuddle.

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52 thoughts on “Razer: I believe Andrew Bolt is the first robot to pass the Turing Test

  1. Saugoof

    I love how he manages to un-ironically call himself both,”Australia’s most widely read columnist” as well as being oppressed for his views.

    If only he would use his powers for good. Imagine spending all that time and effort just to make the world a worse place than it is.

  2. Marcus Hicks

    I get an image in my head that-every time he starts a new Blog or Opinion Piece, that little Microsoft Office Paperclip popping up & saying “It looks like you’re about to start a fact-free, racist rant. Would you like some help with that?”

    1. Helen Razer

      Yes. Clippy. Hey, Andrew. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE BITING A LEPER.

  3. Andrew Reilly

    Passing the Turing test, properly requires a dialog between the subject and the tester. There has to be a probing and response to questions that ultimately removes all doubt. The subject in this instance seems more mechanised publishing machine than verifiable human.

    At risk of missing out on the awe(ful) spectacle, you should know that he is not difficult to avoid.

    1. Helen Razer

      Andrew. I’ve seen Blade Runner and am therefore a scientist, which is why I qualified with, “better chance of passing” the Turing Test. And, yes. Well-adjusted persons may simply ignore Bot. I am not well-adjusted.

      1. Howard

        Me too. It’s like one of those situations where you know you shouldn’t but some how you are drawn to it. Like watching a train wreck. And of course you are always disappointed in yourself when you realise you could easily have written the same opportunistic crap and then get depressed when you realise this boring excuse for a human being is being paid for his biased, racist, unintelligent diatribes.

        I at least get the satisfaction of having a laugh at his expense, knowing that not one cent of my money is going to him or the media he represents.

        1. Rais

          Let me spoil your day then Howard. Our munificent Government has been known to give money to Newscorpse, undocumented and unexplained. Taxpayer money. Yours and mine. And every business that advertises on Newscorpse platforms, print or otherwise, adds the cost of that advertising to the products it sells. I don’t know who those advertisers are but you could ask readers and viewers of their products if you should have a boycott in mind.

  4. Itsarort

    ‘Do androids dream of electric sheep?’ Do bolts dream of nylock nuts? Personally, I think Freud would have had a field day with our Andrew.

  5. Ruv Draba

    Back when the Internet first came into being, but the word ‘trolling’ in the Internet-sense hadn’t yet been invented, some enterprising Australian programmers wrote a Usenet robot called Mark V. Shaney who’d trawl the most inflammatory opinions from singles and political discussion groups, and mash them together into long, semicoherent rants like this:

    > It looks like Reagan is going to say? Ummm… Oh yes, I was looking for. I’m so glad I remembered it. Yeah, what I have wondered if I had committed a crime. Don’t eat with your assessment of Reagon and Mondale. Up your nose with a guy from a firm that specifically researches the teen-age market. As a friend of mine would say, “It really doesn’t matter”… It looks like Reagan is holding back the arms of the American eating public have changed dramatically, and it got pretty boring after about 300 games.

    > Can anyone think of myself as a third sex. Yes, I am expected to have. People often get used to me knowing these things and then a cover is placed over all of them. Along the side of the $$ are spent by (or at least for ) the girls. You can’t settle the issue. It seems I’ve forgotten what it is, but I don’t. I know about violence against women, and I really doubt they will ever join together into a large number of jokes. It showed Adam, just after being created. He has a modem and an autodial routine. He calls my number 1440 times a day. So I will conclude by saying that I can well understand that she might soon have the time, it makes sense, again, to get the gist of my argument, I was in that (though it’s a Republican administration).

    Such rants would incite agreement, disagreement and outrage in equal measures — all of which suggests that on the Internet, the Turing bar isn’t terribly high if you pick the right subjects.

    Conclusion? Your problem isn’t productivity, Helen. You’re just too picky about originality and topic.

    Today, we could probably find someone to lease a Markov Chain bot to you via Amazon Web Services at say, 48c a published word. On a day where even Mr Keen is publishing sport media commentary, don’t tell me you’re not tempted!

  6. Nudiefish

    I’ve never thought about Andrew Bolt before, and that’s why I subscribe to Crikey.

    Now that you have drawn my attention to Bolt’s output, I too am fascinated by his production ability. How does he do it, indeed? In terms of manure alone he is a veritable fertilizer factory.

    Dearest Razer, I do declare that after this piece you have probably afforded yourself 50,000 words (at least) on the deplorable state of lefty journalism.

    Thanks for that – just what we all need – even more Bolt through Easter.

    1. Marcus Hicks

      Ghost Writers. That’s my guess. That, plus a lot of copy-paste.

    2. Helen Razer

      I know, Nudie. And, I am sorry. I could not help myself and will not see my psychologist until next Thursday.

      1. Ruv Draba

        Okay, with a paywall plugin and some online-fu, I was able to process a half-dozen Bolt blog-posts through a Markov chain randomiser:

        > Another nine men preying off any vote to Parliament: Of course, the race-based parliament: Of course, the cost of a suggested any such thing.

        > This interesting. With Labor promising to repeal the tax cuts, the racism?

        > Tony Abbott declares leaders are likely to Chinese women and foreigners, does insist Muslim women and foreigners, as the Jakarta Post points out Facebook that licences him to cheat. But in these pile-on days, it seems we have trouble landing in a spot between defending someone and destroying on underaged girls. Then Telford, dozens of a prize-winning Dutton never said “your rights” activists finally misrepresents him.

        > Dutton never suggestion that licences shrink of the Turnbull Government getting them.

        > Dutton never suggestion invades even and foreigners, as the Jakarta Post points out Facebook page. Some judge might rule that we are legally liable for a brand new ancient tradition by then Turnbull Government getting the late and great Oriana Fallaci, interesting. With Labor promising to repeal the tax cuts, then Smith’s answers clearly suggest Christians are legally liable for a “human rights” lawyer and the Aborigines she’s negotiating with one stone – an important protest, at the rates charged for a “human rights” lawyer. Apparently that are deemed racism?

        > Tony Abbott declares leaders and savagery – excused by his monstrous self-regard – has been on display before: The smugness you could cut with a mob jeering at him. He is walked through airports with one stone – an important:

        “We’ve secretly replaced Bolt’s dilithium crystals with Folger’s crystals. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.”:

        1. Kfix

          Well, you’ve increased the sense that Tony Abbott makes, for one thing…

  7. [email protected]

    A minor quibble, Helen. Pretty sure Andrew’s vomit isn’t green. Or red. His puke is strictly royal blue. Other than that, your logic is sound. Someone better ping Ray Kurzweil. Seems true Artificial Unintelligence has arrived…

  8. Alex Erwin

    Thank you Helen you so eloquently describe Bolt the turd. I have settled back in my chair with a red wine at peace looking forward to a good easter with friends. I hope you do too.

  9. kyle Hargraves

    “Andrew Bolt is the first robot to pass the Turing Test” is a comment that has taken the wind from my sails because, if memory serves, a frequent contributer to these pages, viz. AR, extended that distinction to me. Oh well, if I am to pass the trophy on then I did enjoy it for the short time that I had it.

    Fascinating association Ruv; well done! For those unfamiliar with (mathematical) state-processes (or indeed stateless processes) a Markov chain represents a random (i.e. non-predictable) process/sequence that depends ONLY upon the current state and not its history of prior states. In other words one property of a Markov process is “memorey-
    less-ness”. The method of state change can be influenced by an algorithm and often is. Perhaps the dis-owning of Pell and other “reversals” – qua Mr A. Jones – is/was an instance of Mr Bolt’s mental processes.

    As for “volume” Bolt would be hard put to compete with Alexandre Dumas who, even for those over 40, is known for only one (or two – max) novels (in general). I’d warrant that most/all? under 25 have never heard of him; the state of English/French Lit. being what it is in secondary schools. Yet even a collector of his works in NZ last century had in excess of 3000 (not a misprint) books and a comparable number of manuscripts and letters. Of course Dumas had a sausage-factory of ghost writers. I harbour the suspicion that Bolt will incur the same fate as Dumas (but that is the extent of the comparison) in a much shorter interval of time.

    The major point is : do we care? Is it important? Is it to be asserted that Bolt is “better” than any talk-back jock and, ether way, is the answer significant? Then there is the ad hominem-ism in the article which doesn’t take us anywhere. People like the guy; strange but true. His attractive stipends are for repeat business. This gem from the Herald Sun is a case in point :”HOW many times will the Greens and populists deny the science that insists fracking is safe? What more must scientists do to defeat this organised ignorance, writes Andrew Bolt” : http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/opinion/andrew-bolt

    I won’t bother to take the sentence apart (except by special request) other to observe that the contrary is a variable fact in terms of contamination of the water table for a preliminary rebuttal. I don’t read the guy but from what I understand he has a technique of conveying (arbitrary) observations into apparent statements of fact that the untutored devour like confectionery. Good luck to him. The world is full of “them”; and not a few have subscriptions to Crikey.

  10. AR

    As deplorable as the Blot is, the greater sadness is that many, way too many, hang on his every banal word and treat it as holy writ.
    Even in terms of quantity – quality not being within cooee of consideration – it is far from all his own effort.
    So much of the boilerplate is cut’n’paste from elsewhere, his talking points come from a standard cheat sheet and it is hard to recall a single, original comment that he has ever had.
    If he were a Turing machine it would be one in serious need of an overhaul.
    Or better still, scrapping.

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