United States

Jan 31, 2018

Crikey’s State of the Union Bingo Card

Crikey apologises in advance for this incredibly depressing game of bingo.

Charlie Lewis — Journalist

Charlie Lewis



State of the Union Bingo Card
Use of a phrase involving the words "blood", "struggle" or "pride" pulled straight from a dictator in a far-right movie "Fair trade"  "Terrific" The cabinet shows signs of silent panic when Trump starts to slur his words towards the end  “Many people are saying…” followed by something everyone in the room is hearing for the first time
Cut to Paul Ryan leading a standing ovation after meaningless statement  One piece of legislation cited to back up a series of increasingly extreme claims about the administration's productivity  Trump accidentally invents a new word -- a la "bigly" or "covfefe" -- and it goes viral Hillary Clinton tweets something snarky, accompanied by a Broad City gif, or a three-month-old meme Sudden appearance of Kid Rock and Scott Baio on stage
 A reference, apropos of nothing, to the "elites" who never thought he'd make it this far  Recounting, in oddly specific detail, a mundane part of a meeting with a world leader  Post-speech coverage describes Trump as "presidential"; having "turned a page"  A reference to the media being extremely mean An uncomfortably long pause as Trump tries to think of a cutting put-down about Kim Jong-Un
 A faltering, rambling and repetitive passage dedicated to his own intellect  "Believe me"  Trump tells the crowd that “everyone says” he is "the best" at something that many routinely point out he is not very good at  A promise that a foreign power will pay for his most expensive commitments "CHAI-NAH" 
 "Millions and millions..."  Reference to someone he has recently slandered in the cruelest, pettiest terms minutes earlier as "my good friend..."  A melancholy reflection on how much work it is to be president A reference to obstructionist Democrats and a call for unity around an inherently divisive policy like a border wall between Mexico and the US A shot of Melania, half wincing, half blank, staring out in the endless nothing, only dimly aware there is someone in the room talking

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7 thoughts on “Crikey’s State of the Union Bingo Card

  1. klewso

    Was there a cliche he didn’t pussy-grab?

  2. zut alors

    Why does the ABC televise the speech? The Oz audience couldn’t give a toss for this US flag-waving propaganda exercise.

  3. AR

    That was excruciating and I was only listening on NewsRadio – what must the sight of all those trained seals flapping their flippers frantically been like?
    A lot of bruised hands & RSI is not going to mitigate the deep shame that US citizens must feel at this moment.

    1. zut alors

      The trained seals & the orange ape performed predictable piffle from the brief glimpses I had.

      In Trump’s case the State of the Uniom (sic) speech is unnecessary as the world already knows his real intentions & policy from the avalanche of tweets.

  4. mOOkie

    Where was HUUUUUGE? Did he say HUUUUUUGE?

  5. klewso

    “Unity”? ….. On Trump’s terms?

    Meanwhile he trucks in these ‘people props’ who have lost loved ones to gang violence (to lobby his case against selected immigrants) but no one from families who have lost loved ones to trigger happy cops?

  6. Itsarort

    The content of that speil and the paradigm in which it was presented describes everything that is wrong with the US of A.

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