State of the Union Bingo Card
Use of a phrase involving the words “blood”, “struggle” or “pride” pulled straight from a dictator in a far-right movie “Fair trade”  “Terrific” The cabinet shows signs of silent panic when Trump starts to slur his words towards the end  “Many people are saying…” followed by something everyone in the room is hearing for the first time
Cut to Paul Ryan leading a standing ovation after meaningless statement  One piece of legislation cited to back up a series of increasingly extreme claims about the administration’s productivity  Trump accidentally invents a new word — a la “bigly” or “covfefe” — and it goes viral Hillary Clinton tweets something snarky, accompanied by a Broad City gif, or a three-month-old meme Sudden appearance of Kid Rock and Scott Baio on stage
 A reference, apropos of nothing, to the “elites” who never thought he’d make it this far  Recounting, in oddly specific detail, a mundane part of a meeting with a world leader  Post-speech coverage describes Trump as “presidential”; having “turned a page”  A reference to the media being extremely mean An uncomfortably long pause as Trump tries to think of a cutting put-down about Kim Jong-Un
 A faltering, rambling and repetitive passage dedicated to his own intellect  “Believe me”  Trump tells the crowd that “everyone says” he is “the best” at something that many routinely point out he is not very good at  A promise that a foreign power will pay for his most expensive commitments “CHAI-NAH” 
 “Millions and millions…”  Reference to someone he has recently slandered in the cruelest, pettiest terms minutes earlier as “my good friend…”  A melancholy reflection on how much work it is to be president A reference to obstructionist Democrats and a call for unity around an inherently divisive policy like a border wall between Mexico and the US A shot of Melania, half wincing, half blank, staring out in the endless nothing, only dimly aware there is someone in the room talking

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