Humour

Jan 22, 2018

Legally Binding: a controversial new points-based system to manage romantic relationships

A public interest endeavour dedicated to the ongoing improvement of The Social Contract.

Bhakthi Puvanenthiran and Lorin Clarke

Associate editor / Freelance writer

Sparkling white wine in glasses at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week Australia at Carriageworks in Sydney, Thursday, April 10, 2014. (AAP Image/Jennifer Polixenni Brankin) NO ARCHIVING

Please note the introduction of the following amendments to The Social Contract. These matters pertain specifically to Appendix F: Romantic Relationships.

Importantly, the wording here specifies that the term “romantic” when appended to the word “relationships” in this context does not “in any way signify any requirement whatsoever of any romance of any kind”. In fact, the term “romantic relationships” is taken to mean “any relationship wherein the persons involved share an abode and/or finances and/or a Netflix account and/or a memory of having once kissed”.    

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4 comments

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4 thoughts on “Legally Binding: a controversial new points-based system to manage romantic relationships

  1. Bozwell

    SHOULD’VE BLOODY KNOWN

    I’ve been reading these pieces in Crikey for a while now, and have been increasingly enjoying them.
    It was slowly dawning on me that that this material came from a top-class humorist.
    Then I looked at the writer’s name,
    It couldn’t be, could it?
    It bloody was!
    What a delight.

  2. 2bobsworth

    Womens trials are legion, Men have only two:-
    1. Everything they say (or don’t say)
    2. Everything the do (or don’t do)
    Remediation, Pointless!

  3. AR

    And remember when she complains about something she is not seeking a remedy, just venting.
    As the Green Knight asked, “what do women want?”.
    Their own way.

  4. old greybearded one

    Very amusing, but I fear the likelihood of unconscionable conduct somewhere in this contact.

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