Satirist and muckraker Ben Pobjie has unearthed, via special journalistic techniques only available to comedians, Bob Katter’s 15-point legislative wishlist, in full. 

Katter’s Australian Party

Legislative Agenda for Sitting Week Beginning Monday 27 November

Bills to be debated and passed before return of the “government” to parliament

  1. A Bill for the Reduction of Crocodile Dismemberments to One (1) every Six (6) Months
  2. A Bill for the legalisation of marriage for the gays with appropriate protections for religious freedom, i.e. blokes can marry blokes but don’t have to if they don’t want to
  3. A Bill to Establish a Future Fund for the Provision of services to Crocodiles
  4. A Bill for Large Hats and for Related Purposes
  5. A Motion that Parliament observe a moment of silence for the death of the word “gay” meaning “happy”
  6. A Bill for reducing congestion in cities through a Subsidy Fund for motorists who wish to convert to horse transport
  7. A Bill for a Thousand Blossoms to Bloom AKA the Horticultural Multiplicity Bill 2017
  8. A Motion to designate the broken trampoline as Australia’s official National Hard Rubbish Item
  9. A Bill to establish an Independent Inquiry into Gay Marriage, Crocodile Attacks, and whether one causes the other
  10. A Bill to establish a peak summit enabling human and crocodile leaders to meet and discuss their differences with a view to peaceful resolution
  11. A Bill to permit marriage between a man and a cow
  12. A Motion that Parliament recognise Lee Kernaghan as Australia’s greatest living artist
  13. An Amendment to the man-cow marriage bill, specifying that only live cows may marry and not steaks or chops
  14. A Bill to enshrine the 18th of July as National Kingswood Country Watching Day
  15. A Bill to grant limited self-government to crocodiles

Peter Fray

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Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey