Jun 16, 2017

Tony Abbott: my 10 simple tricks for good government, whenever you choose to start it

Commentators are angry that these 10 weird tricks to being Prime Minister have leaked out! Tony Abbott reveals the truth about leading the country.

Hi, I'm Tony Abbott.*

Being a Prime Minister looks difficult, but it's actually easy -- if you know how! I did the job for two years and I think everyone accepts that I took a lot of tough but necessary decisions without breaking any promises. I wasn't perfect, of course, but who is?! So here are some great tips for leading the country -- good government can start today with these 10 weird tricks that commentators don't want you to know.

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12 thoughts on “Tony Abbott: my 10 simple tricks for good government, whenever you choose to start it

  1. mikeb

    Are Bernard & Ben in a satire competition?

    1. AR

      Satire? Looks like pretty straight reportage to me.

  2. Barbara Haan

    Are you listening Tony? You are pathetic, useless, a wrecker and a liar. As Crikey correctly noted, you are the worst PM in Australia’s history. Have the decency to keep your mouth zipped and leave politics for good. You’re a much better cyclist, budgie smuggler wearer and pugilist than you ever were as PM. Resign with grace.

  3. klewso

    (You should see what he can do with a handful of scapeloaf and red herrings!)

    1. klewso

      Remember when he climbed on the garage roof and pretended to be a “wether-vain(?)” – just before he blew off?

      1. AR

        I wonder how the vain wether lost his balls – blew off did they?

  4. zut alors

    At least when Rudd was busy doing the undermining it was because he was going to be PM again with sufficient support from the party – unlike Abbott who has no chance, even Duffer Dutton being spoken of as an alternate leader to Turnbull.

    When Rudd’s electorate re-elected him he had the common sense to know when to quit. There’s a lesson there for even a thickhead like Abbott.

  5. Woopwoop

    Painfully true.
    Remember when 7.30 asked him about the economy, and his answer was “We stopped the boats!”

    1. AR

      Tis rumoured amongst the ladies who lunch that it was that moment when Talcum blew his stack and decided to challenge.
      And hasn’t that worked out well?

      1. Laurie Ganter

        Yes it has they now have our Debt up to $500b without really trying. I remember when just half that was a debt crisis.

  6. Moira Byrne

    Well, he did say it was better to talk first and ask forgiveness later (or some such).

  7. Mikoff

    A excellent guide to the man and reminds me of – THE WHIRLING DERVISH – on Tony Abbott By Louis Nowra.
    Both satire and a factual essay read the same… wait, that’s actually a bad thing.
    Anyway we are safe so long as he is just riding his bike to 2gb and holding “cabinet” meetings with Dutton and the shock jocks, (a rock group? Good video theme there for a sequel to Huw Parkinson’s “Life Accordion To Trump”) and the poll bludger holds at what it is now. Number 4 did it for me, that’s not satire, it is true.

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