May 19, 2017

Rundle: lost in a blue haze, as the Tories launch forth to victory

The launch went off like a bomb, and the political viagra afterglow continued all day.

Guy Rundle — Correspondent-at-large

Guy Rundle


Tories launch election campaign

There was a bright blue cardboard backdrop and bright blue wall surrounds, and the men were in blue ties, and the women worse various shades of blue. There, in the centre of the stage was Theresa May, in blue and grey hair, so lustrous as to have a sort of reflected rinse of blue light streaked through her helmeted bonce.

"Strong," she trilled. "Stable and strong." The audience applauded. "A Britain for families and working people." The audience applauded and cheered a little. She rounded it out: "A Britain great again in the world! Let's take some questions." The audience cheered that.

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10 thoughts on “Rundle: lost in a blue haze, as the Tories launch forth to victory

  1. form1planet

    Gosh, so many questions. Were the elderberries sourced from Mr Arbuthnot’s allotment or merely fermented there? Was Mr Arbuthnot the subject of the coroner’s attention, or witness to a comrade’s demise? If the latter, how many comrades were affected, and could Labour’s chances perhaps be improved by inveigling Mr Arbuthnot into catering future Conservative Party functions?

    1. AR

      Arbuthnot seems to have mixed up his elberberry flower champagne which is very fizzy indeed with his elderberry wine which is like golden syrup with ‘razor blades’ (Alex DeLarge).

  2. Dog's Breakfast

    ” The Tories get a free pass on everything, from everyone.”

    Just like home, eh Rundle! It amazes me how this happens, but it’s the way it is.

  3. CML

    The stupid Brits can vote for the Tories all they like…inevitably the price will have to be paid.
    As with all conservative governments, there will be nothing left for the poor and disadvantaged in society…Labor will recover and be voted back in to clean up what is left of the country.
    If the Voters over there had an ounce of common sense, they would recognise what is going on…and stop it from happening NOW!!

  4. Keith1

    Um… there is no viagra afterglow (so they say), just “dyspepsia, headache, visual disturbance, and flushing.” (I googled that.)
    Maybe the May-time Tory surge will yet deflate into dystopic heartache and blue-rinsed embarrassment.
    As for that haunting last sentence – GANGgajang and Hendrix?

    1. AR

      Heat haze or purple haze, either is fun.

  5. AR

    The truly astonishing aspect of this trudge through Slough of Despond for even loyal Ministers is when they try to defend the latest weirdness – the dementia tax and the breakfast club replacing hot school meals, as well as farmers demanding access to immigrant labour despite having voted Brexit even though 60% of their income comes directly from EU subsidies.
    Blighty really has become a terminal society – why anyone woud want to live there, never mind try to run the inevitable decline is beyond me.
    BTW, I think grundle is just thumbing his nose now with the typos. – there hasn’t be a screed in the last week without at least one or a misplaced phrase “men were in blue ties, and the women worse various shades of blue.“. Probably meant to be the past tense of ‘wear’.
    It might be a satorial comment that the women’s blues were even less appealing but then the syntax is fractured.

  6. Gorkay King

    I hope your assessment of the situation is as accurate as your assessment of French presidential election’s second round.

  7. Michael Quincey O'Neill

    Good stuff

  8. lykurgus

    So, the Theresa May unit is reduced to the Melting Truffles Special – stealing Old Labours policies. And this will be a victory for One Nation Toryism.
    You’re right – you did all but join in. But we’ve been telling you that for a couple of weeks now (Viagra does take over an hour to work, by which time ones partner has nodded off – leaving the offending pole conspicuous in its stubborn vainglory).

    Let us all take a moment to remember the 20-seat lead that Truffles took to an election that f***ing EVERYBODY said would consolidate him.

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