Mar 29, 2017

LEAKED: Mark Latham’s personal diary

Featuring a fiery confrontation with an uppity feminist out the front of a major supermarket.

Former leader of the Federal Labor Party, Mark Latham, reveals exactly what he thinks of people on the Disability Pension in these extracts* from his daily journal:

9am: Headed to Hungry Jack’s for breakfast. On the way, passed some elitist wankers eating at a hipster cafe just to rub it in the ordinary Australian’s face. They made me so angry I had to punch the straw dispenser several times to calm down. My Aussie BBQ Brekky Wrap was what I call a REAL MAN’S breakfast.

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22 thoughts on “LEAKED: Mark Latham’s personal diary

  1. susan winstanley

    Laugh out Loud. Remove the paywall on this one please. Its time.
    Something very funny about men shouting at things, inanimate things,
    and women, all women, who look back at him with a puzzled expression,
    like, WTF?

    1. leon knight

      Once upon a time we could have read Ben’s great work on the Drum with no paywall, but not since Malcolm took to whispering in the ABC management ear…..this diary proves that Latham is worthy of a spot in the Lunatic Right fringe of the LNP, keep big ears amused up the back..!!

      1. Itsarort

        Sadly, he fits in just as well with the Red-Neck left (who probably vote LNP too).

        1. archibald

          Wonderful piece of writing Ben. It will bring you more work!
          For the record – Wendy has been a huge success on all fronts. She used to earn a million bucks a year on commercial radio and now appears on the 2nd or third (out of roughly 50) stations in Sydney. So Latham is also factually wrong.
          Seems his alternative facts assisted in getting him the flick. Congrats to Sky News Management.

  2. Kath Fenech

    So close to the truth it’s scary Ben. Well written.

  3. Alystra

    Ben – this one was truly laugh-out-loud, tears, and falling-off-the-chair funny. You are a gem!

  4. Itsarort

    This is where Latham truly belongs; nicely squished between the Doug Anthony All Stars and Rubbery Figures. Great stuff!

  5. The Curmudgeon

    Brilliant. Is it possible that this man (Latham, not Pobjie) was once the alternative Prime Minister of Australia, makes Rudd look the essence of sanity. Voting for Latham is the vote I am most ashamed of- in a voting life of over forty years. There comes a time when sheer decency demands that a person be driven from public life. For Latham, that time has come.

    1. Dog's Breakfast

      Well Curmudgeon, I’ve got an even worse story. I got back on the electoral roll after 17 years or so off it, just so I could vote for Latham, or against Howard, probably the latter but much is lost in the mists of time.

      Talk about regret!

      1. Lesley Graham

        Couldn’t agree with you more Curmudgeon, our public life will be far less colourful though, at least if they start removing all these slightly deranged individuals, what are we going to have to laugh at?

      2. Lesley Graham

        Though keeping in mind at this period of time many people were realising that having Howard in power meant, he would put us in a situation where we as the people were in a situation where any information coming out of the government was heavily vetted, the Liberals at that time also shut down any dissenters, by putting all Howard’s mates onto the various boards of organisations especially the media including the ABC, the glass house was a prime example of what happens when them pesky young people start funneling the inconvenient truths through their political satire. It was interesting how Donald Donaldson had the show pulled as soon as it showed that the show was far too popular and we the people were starting to get the uncensored information that Howard and his mob of cretins didn’t want us to hear from them. But my only other question sits around why is Latham any different to Abbott?, the only difference I think is that Abbott has grovelled more and has people in place to protect him (Murdoch comes to mind) from his own stupidity, and his personality defects, where as I wonder if Latham has ever thought to do this.

    2. Franki Elliott

      Never mind Curmudgeon, time to forgive yourself and move on. We all do silly things when we are young. I think this is my way of saying, you’re not the only one who did it!

    3. Lesley Graham

      Couldn’t agree with you more Curmudgeon, our public life will be far less colourful though, at least if they start removing all these slightly deranged individuals, what are we going to have to laugh at?

  6. Mary Henderson

    Crikey, please make this classic piece of satire available to all. After the cyclone ‘n all

  7. mikeb

    Very funny but the real Mark Latham would have used caps lock A LOT MORE.

  8. klewso

    Stalking is not a joke.

  9. paddy

    Damn it Ben. Sky News must read your work.
    They’ve just sacked Latham. 🙂

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