Feb 22, 2017

EXCLUSIVE: Extract of Milo Yiannopoulos’ unpublished book

Simon and Schuster has cancelled Milo Yiannopoulos' book contract for the crime of using "imprecise language". But satirist Ben Pobjie found an early manuscript of the memoir, and we have decided to publish an extract here.

Milo Yiannopoulos
Milo Yiannopoulos? Not left-wing.

My school days were, I suppose, extremely influential in terms of forming the views and philosophies that would eventually make me a massive amazing media superstar. My first-grade teacher, Miss Bresnan, was a typical screechy SJW, the kind you always get when you allow women to have jobs. She was so obsessed with PC culture, constantly teaching us to “be nice”, and “think about others”, and “stop stabbing your fellow students with your compass”. I tried to explain that as a provocateur, it was my job to poke people and see what kind of reaction I could get, but like most females, she failed to understand basic principles because her brain was on its period — gross right? Lady parts: outrageous.

Even at the tender age of six I was incredibly clever and good at shifting paradigms and starting conversations and speaking truth to power. One day one of my classmates, a sniveling beta called Duncan, brought in his puppy for show and tell. I asked Duncan if I could pat the dog — of course he said yes like a typical cuck — walked up to the front of the class, and kicked it in the head. Yeah, you read that right. That’s the way I am, readers: I say what everyone’s thinking, and I kick what everyone’s thinking of kicking. Scandalous!

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13 thoughts on “EXCLUSIVE: Extract of Milo Yiannopoulos’ unpublished book

  1. jaydubbya

    A public intellectual? Lol. How about a plain old prat.

    1. safzoro

      I love that people are going to think this is real, because they always do.

  2. Chris Dusseldorp


  3. mikeb

    That’s a best seller right there.

  4. Wexford

    It’s getting to the point that I have to scroll to the end of articles first to make sure it’s not another juvenile “satire” piece. It wouldn’t be that bad if they weren’t made out to be serious in the first place.

  5. Chris Dusseldorp

    I always considered satire to hold a necessary requirement of being funny…

    I fail to see how abusing dogs and women is all that funny – even as an intended defamatory joke!? Correct me if I’m mistaken… but it’s not a good creative device by any means – oh well!¿ Especially considering it’s a left winger writer trying to satirise a right winger writer… And it’s the guy who’s writing it, who’s self-propagating the very thing he’s satirising!! Oh, the left are no better than then far right these days…
    You’re all as bad and lost as each other!
    I get it now!
    That’s the intended satire!!
    It’s certainly rather ironic!
    And more than a little moronic!

    Welcome to the new world…

    It’s a hilarious time to be alive!!

    1. Decorum

      Good grief. This sort of reaction is so depressing. If you don’t get/get but don’t like Mr Pobje then don’t read him. Instead, you read right through, hating every word, and then vent your disappointment in the comments. Why? (Rhetorical question only! Please do not answer! )

      1. Chris Dusseldorp

        …I’ll rest my case.

        Have you tried exercise to help curing you low tolerance depression?

        …Or thinking for your high propensity to hypocrisy!

        Long live intelligent discussions!

        1. Duncan Gilbey

          “Long live intelligent discussions!”
          As if…

          1. Chris Dusseldorp

            If only, you could…
            Ha! Completely over your head!

          2. Chris Dusseldorp

            The abusing dogs and women jokes fanclub…

            A high quality intellect crowd… Oh it hurts my brain to read what I cannot understand it’s “so depressing…” crowd.

            As if indeed…

  6. kyle Hargraves

    > Simon and Schuster has cancelled Milo Yiannopoulos’ book contract for the crime of
    > using “imprecise language”

    what happened to the sentiment of “publish and be dammed” Is the answer “because the
    cancer of PC is ubiquitous?”

    > My first-grade teacher, Miss Bresnan, was a typical screechy SJW, the kind you always > get when you allow women to have jobs. She was so obsessed with PC culture, constantly > teaching us to “be nice”, and “think about others”, and “stop stabbing your fellow
    > students with your compass

    Well didn’t Milo enjoy a nice beginning. My early (female) school teacher that I had (60+ years ago) strapped the entire class (i.e. the boys) on Monday morning and whacked the girls on the back of the left hand with a ruler and we marched into class. Incidentally that is how all of us learnt the day to be Monday.

    Had Milo kicked the dog in my class a few pupils may have been annoyed but no one would have over reacted. Milo would have merely been thrashed in front of the class and in the afternoon undergone another thrashing if his sense of responsibility hadn’t improved. Such would have been the cycle until Milo’s sense of responsibility did improve.

    > I think that was the first time I realised just how pathetic the Left was.

    Whatever ticket Milo has on himself the reaction of Duncan to the assault upon his pet has no relationship to the politics of the “Left”. The politics of the Left are those of “The Communist Manifesto”, “Critique of the Gotha Programme” and (possibly) “What is to be Done” et al.

    It is a very great blunder to associate the Left with so called “green-values”, the “immigrant crisis” or arguments endorsing sodomy (or lesbianism) or any other topic not directly concerned with the allocation of what an economy produces.

    For those who take exception to the foregoing paragraph do form another political council but do not, for your own sake, refer to the new council as “left”. It is at this juncture where Milo, at every turn, displays his ignorance. The “punch-line” is that people pay money to either read or listen to it.

    On the one hand Milo you are a useful warrior against the tyranny of PC (and everything that adheres to it – the ethos of Miss Bresnan etc.) but on the other hand if you are a “public intellectual” I’d be loathed to meet a “public cretin”

  7. Jeff Richards

    A whole biography please Ben . Fake is real

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