Dear Educator,

Welcome to the Koal for Kids Programme, a Federal Government initiative designed to help our children understand the wonderful ways in which coal helps us all. Please follow these directions closely to get the most out of your Koal for Kids experience.

  1. Distribute the supplied coal to the students: there should be one lump per student. If not, please contact the Department of Environment immediately.
  2. Encourage the students to caress their coal lump, experience the smooth, velvety texture of the beautiful fuel. Some good things to say while they fondle their lumps are: “notice how it feels like you and coal were meant to be together”; “don’t worry, that reaction is perfectly natural” and “don’t put it in your mouth”.
  3. Show the students the enclosed short video “Coal: The Miracle Rock That Solves Our Problems”. Lead a discussion afterwards about how their own coal lump is just like the video’s hero, Frankie Fossil.
  4. Ask the students to imagine a world without coal. Get them to make a list of all the family members and friends who would be dead due to lack of electricity. Ask the students to imagine their funerals. Would they be difficult to organise without power?
  5. Lead a class discussion on all the ways in which coal is benefiting you all right at that minute. Make reference to: the classroom lights; the air-conditioning; the classroom TV; the economic stimulus of massive export revenue; the fun and excitement of playing in abandoned mines; anything else you can think of.
  6. Have the students compete to see who can draw the most attractive picture of a coal-fired power plant.
  7. Ask the students what they know about global warming. Ask them if they really think the little rock in their hands could make the entire planet get hotter. Lead a class laugh.
  8. Have the students compete to see who can draw the ugliest picture of a wind farm.
  9. Have the students set fire to their coal. Discuss the incredible feeling of power they experience when setting fire to things. Explain that this is the feeling the whole country gets from burning coal. Stare deeply into the flames.

*as discovered by satirist Ben Pobjie

Peter Fray

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