Today’s Rebecca Urban special asks punters to faint over an inclusive language guide released by the Victorian government in August (and splashed as a front-page “exclusive” in the national broadsheet today) all because it suggests that maybe calling people fag or dyke is not a good idea.

(In true Daily Mail style, this was republished within two hours as a “new” guide.)

Given the well seems somewhat dry on Safe Schools outrage now, the Oz appears to have turned its attention to any guides prepared for government about how to maybe ensure LGBTI people aren’t treated poorly — like, shock horror, asking people not to assume that they’re straight.

To save time, we’ve tried to figure out what the Oz‘s LGBTI outrage editor in chief might come up with next. We did a quick Google search this morning, and believe that this guide on inclusive language prepared for Defence might be the next front-page exclusive. How dare the army be told what to call people! Or perhaps this Tasmanian Education Department inclusive language guide that also suggests not calling people fag, dyke or poofta. Won’t somebody please think of the children?! Or another similar guide by Palliative Care Victoria. Howard’s battlers are under attack! So many possibilities.

We’ve also come up with some headlines The Australian might like to use over the coming weeks for their next set of articles:

  • Outrage as Lesbians Announce Plan To Copyright Letter ‘L’ and Charge People 7 cents to Use It
  • Shock Revelation — Trans People Using Same Bathrooms as Children In Private Houses: ‘Millions of Cases Worldwide’
  • Gay Men: Are They Infiltrating The World of Dance Criticism? Our Seven-Page investigation In The Inquirer
  • University Science Department Teaching ‘Fluid’ Hydrodynamics as Safe Schools Spreads To World of Engineering
  • Terror as LGBT People Announce List of New Adjectives They Intend To Take Over Next Year: ‘Comfy’; ‘Flushed’; ‘Turquoise’; ‘Estuarine’
  • Where’s the Q Gone In LGBTI? Is It On A Secret Mission? Qwe InvestiQgateQ
  • Primary School Circular Brought Home By Children Lists Stationery Your ‘Girl or Boy’ Will Need To Bring Next Year, Like They Didn’t Know Which They Were, Like They Were Giving Them The Option! Arggggghhh, Bats!
  • Roz Ward Subs Fill Out This Headline Write Story On Deadline Please Seen Having Breakfast Will Do Or Something
  • Shameless News Corp Hack Asks Santa To Make Her A Section Editor Next Year For All the Humiliating Crap She’s Had To Write In This One.

Peter Fray

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