Mark Latham, laird of Liverpool, has opined on The Verdict that people in western Sydney would have no problem with the archaic term “negro”, which was deployed last week by backwoods bumpkin Eric Abetz.

We asked him what else he magically knows about the opinions of 2 million people, from 100-plus ethnic groups, and he sent us this: Mark Latham’s wisdom from the west.

  • People in western Sydney don’t have food served on a board! They don’t even use plates. Good ordinary families have had dinner served on the flat of their hands since I was a lad.
  • People in western Sydney think I’m still an elected member of parliament serving them. That’s why the amount of money the government still pays me hasn’t caused them to burn my big house down.
  • Shoes? What are these elite foot-covering notions? People in western Sydney dip their feet in the setting tarmac of roads under construction and replace it yearly.
  • People in western Sydney think the Sharks will beat the Rabbitohs. Or possibly vice-versa. (This is being written in Melbourne.)
  • People in western Sydney think that politicians have to get a real job after they leave office. Heh.
  • People in western Sydney don’t need: social welfare services, psychiatric services, counselling, anti-depressants, aspirin or bandages. Traditional working-class families have always coagulated spontaneously, unlike our haemophiliac elites.
  • People in western Sydney think feminism is a brand of tampon that allows you to go horse-riding on the beach.
  • People in western Sydney think The Verdict is a TV courtroom show they don’t watch.

Peter Fray

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Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey