Crikey 2014 Arsehat of the Year: Tony Abbott
Well folks, it’s official. Our beloved Prime Minister Tony Abbott is less popular with Crikey readers than the actual leader of Islamic State. As were George Brandis, Malcolm Turnbull, Sharri Markson, George Christensen, Jacqui Lambie and hastily pawned national treasure Rolf Harris. Not Putin, though; with only 2% of the vote, Big Bad Vlad has once again shown that after months of threatening the Russian President with bringing the thunder Down Under, Australians can barely manage a drizzle.
Ranking second in only the most generous use of the word was Attorney-General George Brandis, infamous in internet forums as the man who never metadata he didn’t like. Third place went to the Oz’s media editor Sharri Markson — we’re expecting a ground-breaking expose of the leftist bias of Crikey’s readership any day now.
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Crikey 2014 Person of the Year: Stella Young
“Listen, Stell. I can’t tell you for certain that you and I will ever meet. Perhaps that thing I always say flippantly, usually with a third glass of wine in my hand — that I’m here for a good time not a long time — perhaps that’s true. But on my path to reach you, I promise to grab every opportunity with both hands, to say yes as often as I can, to take risks, to scare myself stupid, and to have a shitload of fun.”
So read Stella Young’s letter to herself at the age of 80, a letter rejecting all the pity and sad, knowing smiles lumped on people like her. Stella never got to tear through the streets of Melbourne on a hover-chair as she wanted, but her passing last month left behind the legacy of a fierce struggle for equality that forced us to confront our own role in the way society inflicts disability on those already impaired by birth or circumstance. And she did, by all accounts, have a metric shit-ton of fun on the way. Stella, you will be missed.
Coming in second place was young Whitehorse whistleblower Freya Newman, with Sarah “my name is Gladiator” Ferguson edging out Victorian of the Year Rosie Batty for third place.
Sexiest Male Politician: Scott “Suck it, Malcolm” Ludlam
In the game of moans, you win or you die. Unfortunately, Malcolm Turnbull’s four-year streak of sexual domination was brought to an end by hunky (and trending) Greens Senator Scott Ludlam, one of the few federal politicians to have a separate Twitter account for his hair. Poor Malcolm didn’t even get a look-in — proof at last that for Crikey’s readers, sexiness is more than just skin deep. But then, we already knew that — Albo came in second.
Sexiest Female Politician: Tanya Plibersek
Labor deputy leader Tanya Plibersek proved more adept at watching the throne, clinging to her hallowed position as Sexiest Female Politician for the second year in a row. Second and third place were taken by Larissa Waters and Penny Wong respectively, with Greens member Sarah Hanson-Young coming in a disappointing fourth. But the knowledge that our readers have a preference for mature, dignified women in positions of power (so to speak) should come in handy when we flog the data from our latest survey to Google to pay off the tab from our end-of-year bash. Merry Christmas, everyone!