Keane: why you’ll never read about toxic Tony. Rundle: Obama the happy-clapper is dead and buried. Look, big business doesn’t want to pay tax, OK? Stop hassling it. Packer counts his losses as China cracks down on crooked gamblers. Should you sign up to Stan? We ask the experts. Guess who takes dating tips from Julien Blanc. Mac users beware as malware jumps ship. Dirty deeds provide subeditorial field day. And where’s Margie?