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FIRST DOG ON THE MOON
Mar 11, 2014
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The three hundred and twenty four spin doctors employed to help the Monster for “empty rhetoric and uninhibited brutality”, have been strangely silent. Up until the leaked email today. Apparently they are personally schooling immigration staff in the dark art of “the truth” and how to answer the phone and any written communication.
Hullo? Sorry; wrong number.
Dear concerned,
don’t be.
Signed the Monster.
PS this letter contains some cement;mix it with water and harden the eff up.
It’s not all Rumpoll’s fault – he is a lawyer.
FD seems to have more perspective on this than most of the rest of the Crikey stable.
In return for this lovely cartoon FD, we dogonaughts, who are totally powerless, salute you.
(We are also going to send you on a long and perilous journey to Tasmania, as a punishment for mocking Mrs Mrs Slocombe.)
Thank You for adding to the pointlessness in an amusing way, FD. I am dedicating my lunch soup eating to you.
Can’t wait for an aggrieved artist to do an installation titled ‘Biennale With Something Stuck Up Their Jumper’.
Have they tried getting sponsorship from some of Rumpoll’s mates, like The Rain Corporation – that might prove Hand(bur)y? But they’d better start Russian?
Th’yarts. Yawn.
We are indeed, Being Served. Is the Liberal Party engaging in ‘vicious ingratitude’ by declining tobacco company contributions ? Nope, the correct answer is:
I take a principled stand
You make an artistic gesture
They engage in vicious ingratitude
The real problem here is that some “artists”, have recognised some other “artists”, and have called them for what they are. The challenge is to sort the bullshite artists from the plain shite artists. The comments of the Turnbullshite artist might take on a different tone if it was a patron of the yartz, but he is of the new breed who become wealthy by making lots of money not spending it; unless it is somebody elses.
Today’s lesson is taken from the Book of Excuses, Chapter 2, versus i-xi.
(1) Yea, verily, Malcolm was found in the Bullrushes by Toady’s daughters and did rise in the court of Rupert. (2) And he did wax mightily in the service of the Rupert, until he was undone by the serpent Gretch and Minchin, the High Priest of the Cult of Hayek and Friedman. (3) And he was downcast and wept piteously to his acolytes, who knew him not, neither did they wish to, since the High Priest of Murdoch raised up Toady and gave him dominion over the people of the Denial and the beasts of the News Corpse. (4) And Malcolm did beseech the Markets, crying “Let my fibre go only to the node!” (5) And the Markets responded by visiting upon Toady plagues of locusts, bankers, chocolate frog floggers, Giant Floating Boob Turtles Named Gina and deregulated capital, to no avail, for the ear of Toady’s consort Credlin was hardened against Malcolm and the Markets.
(5) And it came to pass that Malcolm lead the marsupials of the forests from exile to the Promised Offshore Processing Facility. (6) And the armies of Rupert pursued the chosen marsupials, verily unto the shores of the Arafura Sea, filled, as it was with 13 star Generals, Ministers for Vicious Hypocrisy and other Assets of Operation Sovereign Murders Unspecified For Operational Reasons, and the chosen marsupials were sorely afraid. (7) But Malcolm said “Fear not, for the Market will provide!” (8) And lo, it did, in the form of a string of orange boats, each with hot manifolds and GPS operating instructions in Mandarin, linked by very expensive fibre optic cables labelled “future property of News Corpse” and stretched across the moat towards the Promised Offshore Processing Facility. (8) And the marsupials rejoiced and were glad, and did praise the Markets and thank Malcolm as they began to cross the orange boats. (9) But while the chosen marsupials were but half way to the Promised Offshore Processing Facility, Malcolm got a call from Rupert, telling him that the nodes belonged to his friend Vlad, and were needed in Crimea. (10) And the orange boats were repossessed, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth amongst the marsupials. (11) And Malcolm said “Well it’s your fault for being rude to my mates” and went off to sit in the corner and wait for Toady to have an accident with an electric pencil sharpener.
Here endeth the lesson.
About time we cracked down on these vicious ungrateful artists. Troublemakers the lot of them.
I’m currently drafting the Vicious Artist Gang Incarceration Now Act (2014) for Malcolm who will do the final massaging.
Terrific work, rhwombat, especially the cadence. The clear highlight: “Let my fibre go only to the node!”
Yea, fu ck you, Transfield. Sic ’em, Dog.
@emc: that Act could, in turn, lead to the Clean Up Naughty Turnbulls Act (2016) as a rearguard action by Toady against a resurgent Princess Cumbungis?
rhwombat: Amen and Awomen to that.
That’s a bloody work of genius rhwombat.
There’s at least a 50 frame cartoon in that.
Top work RHW, I look forward to the next reading from the Book of (withheld for Operational Security Reasons).
Good thought emc. You could add the Clause for Lynching Individual Troublemakers On Really Insidious Suspicion, too … but I suspect Malcolm will not be able to find it
It’s a mildly diverting and well-known fact that Cumbungi thrives in swampy, anaerobic conditions, and is often planted in a low position to act as a live filter in removing the more obvious toxins flowing from higher places in the
Cabinetcatchment. Outputs from locations where Cumbungi is rooted often appear relatively benign, but this is deceptive since the more persistent toxic residues (including Mu [Murdochonium], Ho [Howardese] and Mi [Minchinium]) remain.What about “bullshit artists” Rumpoll?
@rhwombat
That was simply Toraffic!!!. How did you do that? Seriously, did you use some type of software or something?
Nice work RHWombat. You are an artist too; and not one of the shyte type.
DrM – honestly, when I heard the new news about changes to the terminology/verbiage, all I could think of was Winston Smith, slaving away at removing unpersons and false facts.
BTW, Rompolly the Princess ain’t – JM’s character always refused to do anything other than defense, much to the chagrin of She Who Must Be Obeised to, the inKretulin. More like Sam Ballard, verbose, ineffectually well meaning but a sell-out.
SubTerraneanKoala – I have printed that out & stuck it in my chapter of Exodus, though only the Bowdlerised Douay version.
Fractious – Cumbungi provides thatching material for a roof that will last many decades, even in Ireland and forever in arid Oz.
Wonderful contribution RHW which sounds great read in the manner of Peter Cook in The Princess Bride.
Then Dog looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!
firstdog – that list of Actions Taken is unaustralian in its militancy, and anyway thats what spats are for.
rhwombat – outstanding, but whats the exegis – the marsupials shoulda known better?