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Jul 26, 2013

It's a Bastardathon! Who will be the bastardest!?

Kevin Rudd's senior adviser and former cat, Jasper the zombie, is working on a plan to seize control of the "boat problem."



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82 thoughts on “It’s a Bastardathon! Who will be the bastardest!?

  1. paddy

    Excellent work FD.
    Peak derp has reached singularity at last.

    Good to see Jasper’s in the running for eleventy stars.

  2. morphy richards toaster

    People at work wondering why I’m laughing out loud here, thanks again FD! Send them to Antarctica!! 😀

  3. Fascinated

    oh the last frames…the looks on the faces are priceless

  4. ernmalleyscat

    If they’re determined to race to the bottom I’d like to see them race each other to the bottom of the Indian Ocean.
    But unfortunately that race has already been won many times.

  5. drovers cat

    Now we know what that mad Yank officer was talking about re having to destroy the village in order to save it.
    Jasper should of course be a five-star general, or at least boss of the AMC – the Arsehat Mercenary Corps
    A work of art, dog#1.

  6. drmick

    Very clever FD. An intergalactic race to the bottom, without mentioning uranus or anyone else`s.

  7. Aron

    I love how Jasper has returned as a zombie.

  8. Persia

    Blow up Australia – not such a bad idea really, the place has totally gone to the dogs

  9. drovers cat

    Persia, that’s sacrilege in this forum

  10. Kahomabu

    That’s your next Walkley, Dog. And I agree with Aron – welcome ‘back’ Jasper.

  11. nick beatnik

    I’m calling it – Leunig is offically unseated, we have a new champion. His anti lesbian and single women Catholic streak, tho rarely shown, takes a little shine off his work.

  12. klewso

    These little boys in their boats?

  13. klewso

    Nice to know there is a Pet Sematary behind The Lodge?

  14. Venise Alstergren

    POOR Jasper, can’t we get him to the vet? Frames three is out of whack with frames one and five. Even Zombies have some pride.

    I have an answer to the asylum-seeker problem. Our government should marginally outbid the people paying the smugglers. At least it’s better than spending the billions of dollars on thankless PR exercises.

  15. Andybob

    “I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – GBS

  16. Mike Jones

    We could tax Gina fairly, use the money to buy Indonesia, smuggle the asylum seekers in safer Navy boats and use the smuggling fees to resettle the asylum seekers in Bellevue Hill, Toorak, Port Douglas and Cottesloe Beach, then we could extradite arsehat rednecks to Iranistanaq and send the rest of Parliament to the Harold Holt swim school.

    Can I get some kind of award for this plan ?

  17. Mike Jones

    Probably your best toon so far, Firsty, Stuff the Walkies Awards, I nominate you for a Puglitzer.

  18. zut alors

    Earlier today I’d decided to search my soul but, no matter how carefully I looked, couldn’t find it anywhere. Thanks to Mr Dog’s excellent work here I now realise it’s been sold out from under me – by the Rt Honourable (!) Ruddster & the Honourable (!) Rabbott. Surely this can’t be legal?

    MJ deserves special mention for ‘Puglitzer’.

  19. TheFamousEccles

    Firsty, yet another funny yet somehow depressingly accurate mirror held to the face of the polity – who merely preen at their own refection, or like budgies, peck at the other bird they see in the shiny thing…

    Love your woik, Dawg.

  20. TheFamousEccles

    drmick – that was funny! Unnecessary and likely to cause me nightmares, but funny.

  21. Fran Barlow

    Nice first dog …

    Obviously, my suggestion for plain packaging and health warnings probably wouldn’t have got past the first few frames.

    I was thinking of having promotions about Australia as a place where women “blow” and men “chunder” presumably because the food is so bad. We could point out that policy is run by ignorant bigots and they were bound to run into them on a regular basis if they made it here and that the country was up to its eyeballs in a debt emergency and bound to be wiped off the map by a carbon tax. (OK we know that’s bogus but we can pretend).

    We could show pictures of Gina Reinhart and Kerry Packers kiddy and Tony Abbott and say that these typified Australians. And we could show MasterChef and play clips from Australian Idol and any of those home makeover shows, and perhaps “Housos”.

    That would have to cut the numbers coming surely?

  22. Andrew L

    Krudd & Rabbott are like the Yorkshiremen in the Monty Python sketch trying to gazump each other in awfulness.

    Btw, I like Jasper’s mobile pinkeye. Shades of an early South Park episode and Marty Feldman’s mobile hump in Young Frankenstein. Something in this ‘toon for everyone.

  23. Circus Taximus

    The eye follows you round the room. That’s what makes him so strangely realistic.

  24. drmick

    I would rather have a frontal lobotomy than an abbot in front of me,

  25. Boston the Dog

    How come we have so many brilliant minds (such as FD’s) in this wonderful country, yet have such shallow clowns for politicians? The scary thing about this is that it is so true. We know about our past, but what is ahead for our Australia with either of these clowns?

  26. AR

    Persia & VA – not yer average zombie, the blood engorged orb & ragged ear keeps shifting sides.

  27. shepherdmarilyn

    None of them are fit to run a country dunny,

  28. Plonkoclock

    Because Boston, brilliant minds have more sense – and decency – than to wade into such a cesspit.

  29. mike tabs

    why don’t we injecta little science into this debate and create a new institute of astrophysics in Canberra and immediately set them to work on creating a rift in space and time off the coast of Indonesia which will trap anybody who dares seek asylum in this country in a boat by sucking them forever into the event horizon, surely that will stop the boats once and for all, unless the message still doesn’t get through and they somehow manage to navigate around this black hole, in which case we would simply just have no choice but to create a system of black holes which surround the border of the entire of the entire country, in doing to providing a decisive solution to this problem, this will of course also mean that nobody will be able to enter or leave the country ever again, but as this is unquestionably the biggest challenge we have ever faced as a nation, surely that is a price we are willing to pay, and its got to be worth at least a few polling points.

  30. Patriot

    Blow them out of the water!

  31. AR

    oh t’riffik, PatrIdiot has come out from under its slimey rock. And there I thought its absence was due to death from ingrowing stupidity.

  32. Patriot

    Don’t worry, I’m not staying. I just come back now and then to make sure you’re not harbouring any more Communists.

  33. Andrew L

    When Patriot shrieks “blow them”, I can’t help suspecting he is talking from a somewhat liberal party, boys-will-be-boys, what-happens-on-camp-stays-on-camp, women-are-ok-but-there’s-nothing-like-the-real-thing pucker-up-lads perspective…

  34. Patriot

    And if I were…? Do I detect a note of homophobia?

  35. mike tabs

    well that was a starnge place for this comments section discussion to end up.

  36. schaffer bill

    Why can’t these latte sipping refugee types form a nice orderly underwater queue like the rest of us, instead of acting like they are in flight or something?

  37. burninglog

    Is Jasper from Sussex St.?

  38. Lehan Ramsay

    Do you think Brad Pitt put Bastards into the title of that movie so he could pretend it wasn’t Americans who made it? Even today people probably think it was the British.

  39. Lehan Ramsay

    Do you think Brad Pitt put that word into the title of that movie so he could pretend it wasn’t the Americans who made it? Even today people probably think it was British.

  40. drmick

    Patriot: I am not sure what the term is for people such as yourself who turn up on a site for the sole purpose of being a dic&head, but to answer your question; if you continue to hang about at the airport looking conspicuously dodgy just for the free cavity searches, then that phobia becomes a mania and prole will talk……how is your paranoia now?

  41. Lehan Ramsay

    I always say, Brad Pitt does excellent movie.

  42. Lehan Ramsay

    Can we say he “gives” good movie? I think we can.

  43. Venise Alstergren

    ANDREWL: I’ve always thought Patriot was Alexander Downer in drag.

  44. Lehan Ramsay

    RULE #2 YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW. I’m sorry I am a little excited to be amongst here I will try only to speak when spruiken to.

  45. rhwombat

    Venise – what drag?

  46. Venise Alstergren

    RHWOMBAT: The black fish-net little numbers that he was caught out wearing some years ago. Patriot talks as though he had been hand-reared on Kipling. So does Downer!

  47. Lehan Ramsay

    It’s Mowgli, you just came from the page about lawns, also lawn mowers. And, of course, Ruddyard. Alexander, from the Baby page. The Dead Kennedys. goldfish, and perhaps “dares”.

  48. Lehan Ramsay

    Yes, because Alexander was actually Alexandra when it was the Queen’s name. Actually it still is, of course.

  49. Lehan Ramsay

    Oh of course. Down. Werewolf. Boy brought up by wolves. Benjamin Button. Also and I suspected it myself, Shine or that other one. Rain Man.

  50. Lehan Ramsay

    Okay. Keep with me, people.

  51. Lehan Ramsay

    Yes well that seems to be the major works surveyed. You can all go I want to see a bit of “online feedback” here by Monday and I am expecting it to be thorough if you think you can just squark out a “memorable line” JUST THINK AGAIN. Thankyou.

  52. rhwombat

    Venise: Yes, I remember. That was my point – Patriot is the same pathetic, puffed-up, patriarchal prat as Downer (or Abbott, Jones, Pyne, Panopoulos, the Bishop twins etc…etc…et-bloody-cetera ) in or out of drag.

  53. rhwombat

    Lehan Ramsay: At this point, I’d suggest 1mg of rispiridone or 10mg of haloperidol.

  54. Pipersue

    Orderly fashion would be great! I guess that’s what meant by lifting the refugee intake…it is good that it will be increased, but needs to be much greater. But only a fool would suppose that this would stop the boats, there are so many desperate people. We owe them surely a duty of care. Tell me, how do you stop this vicious trade? Maybe Rudd’s policy will work…not having to pick up their bodies from the sea would be a start in helping refugees build new lives.

  55. Lehan Ramsay

    P&O. Cruise. Ship. All Aboard.

  56. Lehan Ramsay

    Lifeboat. Luxury Cruise. budgie smugglers.

  57. Lehan Ramsay

    Then of course there’s suntans. Bad. Bad. You wanna be multicultural? Chuck the sunscreen.

  58. Lehan Ramsay

    You think “racism” might be one of only three natural pigments?

  59. Euan J Thomas

    We could always send them to New Zealand in exchange for a few of their uni graduates, similary to what we do now but just call it a policy!

  60. Lehan Ramsay

    Year seriously. What did he do that made the Queensland Government think he was a Prince? Did he wear a crown or something?

  61. Lehan Ramsay

    Oh! We do not like our New Zealand it has been TAKEN by the GYPSIES! Let us move to OARSTRALIA where they are RACIST! Let us set up ADVERTISING AGENCIES and get on the TELEVISION! Perhaps we can HELP.

  62. Lehan Ramsay

    Okay I am sorry I will settle. Comment #61. Oh! We do not like our New Zealand it has been taken (upper case) by Gypsies (upper case) ! Let us move to Oarstralia (upper case) where they are racies. Let us set up Advertising Agencies (upper case) and get on the television (upper case). Perhaps we can help (upper case).

    By the way, when I do “upper case” I of course do it in the “telegram” sense and not the shouty sense.

  63. Rais

    This seems like the time to tell a joke – I thought it was a joke at the time – told to me by a naturalised Aussie citizen whose country of birth will remain nameless. An Unnamedlander decided to become an American citizen. When he applied he was told he would have to have an operation first to remove 90 percent of his brain. He agreed and went for the operation. When he woke up the surgeon told him, “I’m afraid I have bad news. We accidentally removed 99 percent of your brain.” “Aw yair, fair dinkum??”

  64. aodgers

    Brilliant…and impeccable logic..almost

  65. Lehan Ramsay

    Ah yes Rais, I saw that story on the Guardian page. I never consult Aesop. It all comes down to one slogan. Ease Up.

  66. Andrew L

    Looking back at my post in response to “Patriot”, I feel my I was over the top and a tad rude, thus I apologize to anyone who took offence. I admit I was baited, hooked and reeled-in by a troll. So there it is.

  67. Lehan Ramsay

    Was that so hard, Rais, huh?

  68. Patriot

    Don’t feel too bad, Andrew. Google – crikey patriot wong. I don’t have a problem with jokes about gays, women, men or even races, including my own, and I think it really is a shame that the contrived and ridiculously exaggerated sensitivities of the perpetually offended left deprive them of a good honest laugh. If you take stereotypes out of humour there’s not an awful lot left, but then when you insist on treating race, gender and sexuality as objects of fetish and taboo you’re not really left with any other choice.

    I don’t accept that any one here objects in principle to stereotyping and vilification of groups of people for the purpose of humour. Consider this very cartoon. None of you had a problem with the stereotyping of Australians as “a hateful intolerant r_cist mob”.

  69. Marlene Hall

    I fell about laughing at this. Great work first dog.

  70. Lehan Ramsay

    See that’s bold.

  71. Lehan Ramsay

    Try this. abba banana high blood pressure

  72. Lehan Ramsay

    Sodium. See?

  73. Lehan Ramsay

    But we must keep along here.

  74. Lehan Ramsay

    I only came here, by the way, for the Bastardathon. If I win, do I get a blog and a goldfish?

  75. Lehan Ramsay

    I certaintly think I should. There’s been no real competition, here. Where do they all go, those Drum commenters, on the weekends. To their Bat Caves?

  76. Lehan Ramsay

    Oh well I spose we wouldn’t want our FEDERAL PUBLIC SERVANTS to run up any more overtime would we.

  77. Lehan Ramsay

    Nor to have any New Ideas befoe MONDAY comes.

  78. rhwombat

    I see that someone forgot to log out of the Menzies House server over the weekend, and the work-experience kid noticed. Sigh.

  79. Venise Alstergren

    RHWOMBAT: Got it….there’s so much auto-pedestrianism going on at present I may not have got your comment straight.

  80. Innocent Until

    Let me add my adulation from here in the cheap seats. Nailed it again, Firsty.

  81. Sandshoe

    I had to travel by train some distance to get back for this cartoon in time for Monday and I was not not long. O, that Monday

    Yes my depths of winter leccy bill was in my post box and great. I’m moving into the dogonaut lounge until I get evicted. Love the cartoon, Firsty.

  82. Innocent Until

    You can snuggle up with me over here in the corner, sandshoe. Or let me know if you have a fireplace and I’ll send you my gas bill to burn; should keep you warm for a week!
    I just knocked down an old wooden fence and tried putting a few palings on the nature strip in the hope of avoiding paying for a skip – the stuff went like hotcakes. Twenty year old hardwood. I started out carefully hand removing all nails and placing it in neat little piles but towards the end I just leaned it higgledy-piggledy against the retaining wall nails and all.

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