United States

Nov 15, 2012

The Petraeus affair, you couldn’t make this stuff up

The Petraeus affair makes other political sex scandals look like a Christian RSVP.com speed date. Our correspondent delves into the affair that has everything.

Guy Rundle — Correspondent-at-large

Guy Rundle


Good God are you ready for this. You might want to get a pad and take notes or make a three dimensional diorama, to get it all in.

Remember a couple of years ago, when Republican South Carolina governor Mark Sanford disappeared for three days, and came back saying he had had a sudden whim to hike the Appalachian trail where there is no phone reception? And it turned out that he was on a love cruise with an Argentinian firecracker, a mistress he had visited with the express intent of breaking up with?

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28 thoughts on “The Petraeus affair, you couldn’t make this stuff up

  1. cpobke

    hahaha. That is the best summary of this whole baffling affair i have read so far.
    I still can’t understand why he had to resign though. What’s missing from this tale?

  2. Nici

    Hey, I reckon Paula Broadwell was justified in feeling a little bit threatened. You’ve missed the bit about how Jill Kelley has an … indentical twin sister … who was also engaged in email contact with both Petreaus and Allen. And they wrote her references for a custody battle. And how both sisters are millions of dollars in debt. Oh, it just writes itself.

  3. Will

    Very amusing summary, Guy. Cheers.

    I did spot a couple of facts in the piece which are in dispute.

    For instance, I read that Broadwell broke it off with Petraeus not the other way around, and that some of the stink from the indiscretion came from Petraeus sending hundreds of emails to her in the hope of rekindling the relationship.

    Also, regarding the exchanges with General Allen, the 20,000 number has been bandied about variously as emails or pages, but that appears to be a mistake amplified in the press. It was “only” thousands.

  4. zut alors

    Thanks, Guy, it’s hard to believe this is merely the precised version. The twists and turns of the script might’ve been penned by those responsible for The Bold and the Beautiful – except, in the CIA saga, there is no complicated family tree where the players are all related to each other.

    Let’s start taking bets on how soon Mark ‘Love Boat’ Sanford cheats on the ‘Mexican firecracker.’

    Jon Stewart reviewing his January interview with Broadwell was wonderfully self-effacing and worth googling.

  5. John Bennetts

    Great summary. At last we know what we know and we know what we don’t know.

  6. mikeb

    Nice precis. The twin twist has made it a story you couldn’t invent. I guess if you’re the head of the CIA then any semblance of impropriety is a sackable offence (remember all those old spy movies where the dude gets seduced into spilling his secrets, amongst other things, under the doona)? I do feel a bit sorry for him but honestly – was the booty worth it? I somehow doubt it.

  7. Holden Back

    Oh well, the thought of a likely movie gives some of the Kardashians roles to look forward to.

  8. Salamander

    Allen has resigned?

  9. Salamander

    “Andropausal”? Not analogous to menopausal if that is what you are trying to imply. Meno- means month.

  10. margbozik

    But you forgot to mention the pineapple which, according to News Ltd headlines, had a starring role in the affair.

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