Who’s the hack eyeing an LNP job? Rumours apparently persist in Queensland media circles that a senior political reporter is making moves to secure a lucrative position with Campbell Newman’s Liberal-National Party should it win government at the looming election. “Some gallery elders are muttering about the conflict of interest given the said journo will be covering the election,” reports our spy.

Get typing, ATO tells staff. Waste not want not at the ATO. And a massive job for staff in manually entering hundreds of new files after the agency cancelled outsourcing contracts, we’ve been told. An insider reports:

“The Tax Office debt collection area is in the process of ending one of its collection outsourcing contracts and bringing back the debt collection cases to the ATO. Because these outsourcing contracts were set up in extreme haste and without any real thought to planning, the business system support is absolute crap. So, for about 5000 cases that the outsourcing firm had worked on and made payment arrangements, the ATO will get details of the arrangements and have to manually key the details into its own systems. Can’t even get a flat file transfer or download.

“And for over 6000 cases the collection agent could not contact or make an arrangement with, ATO staff will have to manually key notes onto the cases and then action them. That’s 11,000 cases that need to be manually edited. And how many real cases don’t get actioned during this time? Even worse: the collection agencies this work is outsourced to get a flat fee for each case sent to them — not a fee for cases collected or finalised, or a percentage of collection, but a payment of public money for cases to be sent to them. Talk about waste.”

Bullying allegations dog Tweedly’s exit. Victoria’s WorkSafe chief Greg Tweedly announced his resignation yesterday, proud of making Victoria “the safest state in Australia” after nine years at the helm. But as one staffer noted to us: “He must be delighted how the media has written up his resignation. The widespread allegations of bullying and harassment that have occurred at the highest levels of WorkSafe didn’t get a mention.”

Indeed, Tweedly himself has described as “disappointing” the raft of allegations — as many as 100, as reported by The Age last year — in a “toxic environment” at the bureaucracy. “Seems that despite being the regulator of bullying in the workplace WorkSafe doesnt apply those standards to itself,” says our insider. “As CEO for nine years Greg should know how many allegations and claims have been made against current and former managers and executives. Yet what has he done?” Tweedly told The Age last year he didn’t believe WorkSafe had an internal bullying problem.

Job opportunity: armpit sniffer. The problem with defacing Wikipedia profiles in an entertaining manner is they very rarely last long online. Thankfully, a Crikey reader captured this from the page of Queensland MP Teresa Gambaro following her smelly immigration suggestion earlier this week. Not surprisingly, it has now been removed …

JOB OPENING: Senior Immigration Armpit Sniffer

The Liberal Party of Australia are a leading provider of homophobic, bigotry and hypocritical services specialising in the management of immigrant bashing in Australia, and currently have opportunities in our Citizenship & Immigration division for registered armpit sniffers with 3 + years solid experience to join our busy and friendly team anywhere in Australia.

THE POSITION:

Reporting to the soon to be Immigration Minister, Ms Teresa Gambaro, you will be primarily responsible for undertaking corporate immigration work associated with the Australian body odour legislation working with deodorant organisations in sniffing all migrants and migrants-to-be across Australia. Responsibilities include:

  • Preparing, collating and lodging (including smelling where relevant) visa applications and supporting documentation with the Department of Immigration and Citizenship (DIAC) and other immigration authorities in and outside Australia
  • Migrant sniffing and monitoring of all migrant candidates of all size with immigration authorities until the matter is finalised
  • Liaising with deodorant companies, visa applicants and government authorities including DIAC and other immigration authorities in and outside Australia
  • Managing a high volume of visa smells in/outbound
  • Providing advice and assistance to migrants with respect to deodorant options, eligibility prospects and merits of applications including matters associated with body odours as well as DIAC compliance and monitoring requirements
  • Managing client and/or visa applicant expectations and tailoring advice to specific stench of the migrants
  • Participating in bathing and deodorant applications to new and existing migrants
  • Acting in accordance with the Sniffing Code of Conduct as administered by the Migration Sniffers Registration Authority (MSRA) in Australia and office and risk management practices and procedures

SKILLS: The successful applicant will be a registered migration agent with a minimum 3 years corporate sniffing experience and technical knowledge with respect to the current Australian sniffing law and policy. You must be a team player and self-starter with initiative and drive. You will have strong nasal skills, Australian body odour and time management/organisational skills with an ability to demonstrate a high attention to detail sniffing; must have the ability to work within a team and independently to tight armpits and manage conflicting smells and odour expectations with poise and professionalism.

CONTACT: If you believe you have what it takes to excel in this position, please forward your resume to Tonny Abbott, Recruitment Officer, via the APPLY NOW function. Applications close 31st January 2012.

Keeping up with the Smiths. From the we-hope-it’s-true file, via 3AW this morning: “A man is currently contacting all the Smiths in the phone book to offer for sale the personalised number plate ‘Smith’.” Good luck to you, sir.

Peter Fray

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