So yeah, the compulsory iPhone story. They made me do it. On today's journey into Applebizarroland the company's share price dropped 4% because ... um, because a product name didn't have a 5 in it. Kill me now. Look, Apple's new iPhone 4S is a perfectly good smartphone. It's a step up from the previous model, the iPhone 4. It sits just fine in the marketplace against competing devices from the likes of HTC and Samsung. Dual-core processor, 8 megapixel camera, HD video, yada yada. Plus there's cloud storage and data synchronisation between the iPhone and, say, your laptop through iCloud. All tech companies have to have a cloud service, right? And the iPhone 4S also has Siri, software that blends voice recognition and artificial intelligence to create a personal assistant. It's seriously cool. This puts Apple well ahead. But for some reason the Apple rumour industry -- an entire category of journalism on it own, one that puts lie to the idea that journalism is dying, kinda -- wanted something more. They wanted an iPhone 5. And what is an iPhone 5, exactly? This "insight" from International Business Times is typical of the genre. "Apple didn't unveil the iPhone 5, just a phone that's a replica of the iPhone 4S [sic], although it has artificial intelligence in it and a more powerful processor ... "In June this year, Apple was expected to unveil an iPhone 5 that would have both under-the-hood and aesthetic changes that will push Apple to unprecedented levels." Unprecedented levels of what, exactly, is not specified. Maybe it's some of the now-proven-false rubbish listed in in Gawker's "The iPhone 5 Failboard: How Everyone Got It Wrong". In times like this I turn to mobile software developer Leslie Nassar, who may or may not be off his meds today, as he tweets some truth. "Here's some f-cking STAR TREK SH-T RIGHT HERE [in Siri]" "Whatevs. Why did you call it 4S instead of 5?", he said. "HERP DERP HOW CAN AN IPHONE BE BETTER WITHOUT MOAR NUMBERS CAN I GET A STICKER FOR THE BACK OF MY IPHONE 4S THAT SAYS "IPHONE 5"???",  he also said. FFS, people! Apple will sell a metric squillion of these things. And that's despite the competing Android operating system for smartphones and tablets looking like it'll soon reach a million new device activations every single day. Why are you whingeing?