Today’s guest post is by Racist Wallaby who is from the internet. I would count @Racistwallaby amongst my internet friends except he is both a racist and a wallaby.


Why I Oppose the NBN, and So Should You

by Racist Wallaby

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We have heard a lot of Emu talk about the National Broadband Network (NBN) and how it will be good for Australia. Allegedly, building infrastructure will lead to economic advancement while internet accessibility will spur international competitiveness and lead to productivity growth. Putting aside the fact that Emus are notorious internet addicts who piss away days at a stretch with their online gambling and video games, these arguments are complete rubbish.

Even the most cursory glance at the internet shows vast swaths of it given over to the discussion of cat photos, stoking the massive vanity of these semi-feral creatures while appealing to the lowest common online denominator. Does the much-discussed productivity boost from the NBN regard captioning the latest feline antics as a significant contribution to GDP? Is it responsible to encourage these creatures to spend their time mugging for the camera when they should be out learning an honest trade? But these questions (and the menace posed by hordes of cats trying to secure book deals via internet celebrity) are secondary to the real issue: the imminent fleecing of the Australian taxpayer.

The problem is that the once-in-a-lifetime business successes are literally one in a million. Currently, the internet is packed to the gills with copycat websites scraping in a few pennies at a time by duplicating one another’s services. Public demand can only support so many blogs offering household tips or craft stores peddling homemade bric-a-brac. It is only a matter of time before these websites wise up and decide to go where the money is, and from there on out it will be all naughty possum webcams with VIP-only access and raunchy platypus chatrooms offering platinum memberships. Any potential economic growth will quickly be subverted by the tawdry side of the internet as hot koala teens shake it for dollars.

Is this really something that the taxpayers’ money should be spent on? Helping unwed Possum mothers—who are already on the dole—use the public largesse to rake in credit card numbers as they bare it all online? In a perfect world, the NBN would offer greater opportunities for all, but the sad reality of modern Australia is that it would just lead to more learned helplessness and squandered opportunities. We have a duty to help those who cannot help themselves, but this sort of pandering to the bottom rung of society is just another form of enabling.

In fact, I say that we should go one step further, not only demolishing the NBN but also installing a new filter that is stronger than ever. Our citizenry cannot and should not be trusted with unrestricted broadband internet access, and must only be allowed online under the most controlled circumstances. Yes, Wombats, this also applies to you.

It’s a simple plan for a safe Australia: the broadband network must be kept down, and the internet filter must be beefed up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go place my bid in an online auction for some back issues of Ralph.

@RacistWallaby is a concerned citizen. He can be found on Twitter, where he shares his ideas to improve the country.

As a Crikey subscriber and someone who began working as a journalist in 1957, I am passionate about the importance of independent media like Crikey. I met a lot of Australians from many walks of life during my career and did my best to share their stories honestly and fairly with their fellow citizens.

And I never forgot how important it is to hold politicians to account. Crikey does that – something that is more important now than ever before in Australia.

North Stradbroke Island, QLD

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