When I was a kid — so, like, five years ago — I had an amazing cubby house. It was a few planks of wood across two willow trees that hung over the dam in our backyard. With a plywood roof that I had to keep replacing when the constant dampness got the better of it. I mostly stole my supplies from construction sites around the area, but now that I am a grown up … Nah, I’ll still be hitting up the builder’s dumpsters.
Now I live in the city, don’t have a backyard (let alone a dam) and my dreams of “willow mansion” have long vanished. I do, however, have bed sheets, some clothes pegs and an assortment of furniture. This combined with an uncanny ability to create great feats of engineering with very limited resources means: I WILL HAVE A FORT ONCE MORE.
If you want to regress with me, here is a brief step-by-step on how to build an indoor cubby house — or, if we want the Latin name “pillowfort”.
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- Arrange furniture in your lounge room in a circular shape, as though you are designating a landing spot for a UFO. If you are a high roller and have a larger living room, you may find you want to arrange you furniture in a rectangle and build an adjacent eastern wing for your cat.
- Get your broom (or if you are some sort of joke of an adult and don’t own a broom “guilty”, get a big stick) and lay it across two cupboards of the same height. This is your doorway.
- Use twine or yarn or rope and link up the furniture, making sure the twineyarnrope is taut.
- Get several of the biggest bed sheets you can get your hands on. Peg them together. Proceed to drape the sheets over your construction, creating a large cavern. If you are tall of stature, I suggest you tip your couch on its arms to create more height.
- If you find the middle of your fort sagging, get a blow fan and face it upwards — or at an angle — to create what is known as a “bubble fort”.
- Drag in pillows, pull on your snuggie and begin what I call “the nesting phase”.
Five fun things to do in your fort:
- Eat biscuits.
- Use a telescope to spy on your housemate/ partner/ neighbour.*
- Invite in your housemate/ partner/ neighbour 😉
- Plot. It doesn’t matter what you’re plotting, just punctuate it with creepy laughing.
- Nap shamelessly.**
* This may be illegal. I do not necessarily endorse this.
** Shameless napping is entirely different to regular napping because you can do it n-ked and still sprawl starfish style.