On Election Night, because Crikey is a non-stop news behemoth, we launched our 24-hour liveblog news channel from Crikey’s virtual election simulation bunker control room space station which is equipped with the latest web3 holographic election analysising equipment machines. It was very good. Clearly the high water mark for election coverage as both Samintha Maiden and Gerry O’Brien later noted on their twitterblogs.

My role, as always, was to be hilarious and adorable. And even if I say so myself, I didn’t fuck it up too badly. Alright I did, the whole thing was a drunken shambles, but it was everyone else’s fault. As you will see below:

6:08 PM - Vote 1 Bandicoot
6:55 PM - The swing is on joke was too hard
7:19 PM - But the swing was certainly on
7:23 PM - The joke about punching someone in the faceless face was too hard too
7:29 - Here's one we prepared earlier
7:51 PM - It wasn't looking good at all
8:28 PM Democracy was too stupid too live!
8:46 PM - Stephen Smith's Hair is a cat
8:59 PM - And then it was time for Kevin
9:37 PM - It was all downhill from here...
9:55 PM And the Greens shall inherit the Earth...
10:08 PM - By this time the Coalition Smugometer was off the chart baby!!
10:23 PM - And then Shorten fell on his sword! No wait, he was just waving it about.

And then we got a cab to the Convention Centre where Julia was speaking to the party faithful and journalists who got there on time to get in which wasn’t us. We stood outside and along with the security guards watched it on my ipad. (Thanks ABC24!). Then we went to the Greens party and ran into Elfy the Elf who sent us to the Imperial Hotel where the real party was and then Elfy took off and Leigh lost his phone and got ALP beer on himself. So we did our bit for Democracy and I don’t think I paid for a single drink all night so I suspect it is my shout. And we all awoke in the morning to a state of exhilarating uncertainty. The End.

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