On Election Night, because Crikey is a non-stop news behemoth, we launched our 24-hour liveblog news channel from Crikey’s virtual election simulation bunker control room space station which is equipped with the latest web3 holographic election analysising equipment machines. It was very good. Clearly the high water mark for election coverage as both Samintha Maiden and Gerry O’Brien later noted on their twitterblogs.

My role, as always, was to be hilarious and adorable. And even if I say so myself, I didn’t fuck it up too badly. Alright I did, the whole thing was a drunken shambles, but it was everyone else’s fault. As you will see below:

election1
6:08 PM - Vote 1 Bandicoot
ElectionNight3
6:55 PM - The swing is on joke was too hard
ElectionNight4
7:19 PM - But the swing was certainly on
ElectionNight5
7:23 PM - The joke about punching someone in the faceless face was too hard too
ElectionNight6
7:29 - Here's one we prepared earlier
ElectionNight7
7:51 PM - It wasn't looking good at all
ElectionNight9
8:28 PM Democracy was too stupid too live!
ElectionNight10
8:46 PM - Stephen Smith's Hair is a cat
ElectionNight11
8:59 PM - And then it was time for Kevin
ElectionNight12
9:37 PM - It was all downhill from here...
ElectionNight13
9:55 PM And the Greens shall inherit the Earth...
ElectionNight15
10:08 PM - By this time the Coalition Smugometer was off the chart baby!!
ElectionNight16
10:23 PM - And then Shorten fell on his sword! No wait, he was just waving it about.

And then we got a cab to the Convention Centre where Julia was speaking to the party faithful and journalists who got there on time to get in which wasn’t us. We stood outside and along with the security guards watched it on my ipad. (Thanks ABC24!). Then we went to the Greens party and ran into Elfy the Elf who sent us to the Imperial Hotel where the real party was and then Elfy took off and Leigh lost his phone and got ALP beer on himself. So we did our bit for Democracy and I don’t think I paid for a single drink all night so I suspect it is my shout. And we all awoke in the morning to a state of exhilarating uncertainty. The End.

Save up to 50% on a year of Crikey

Choose what you pay, from $99.

Sign up now

Our media landscape is amongst the most concentrated in the democratic world. Big media businesses are marred by big media interests. If you want the full, untainted picture on important issues — our environment, corruption, political competence, our culture, our economy — Crikey is required reading.

I am a private person that takes online privacy very seriously but I wanted to contribute my words to this campaign as I genuinely believe that we will improve as a country if more people read publications such as Crikey.

Josh
Sydney, NSW

Join now and save up to 50%

Subscribe before June 30 and choose what you pay for a year of Crikey.

Save up to 50%