Doorsman and Crikey intern Tiernan Kelly writes

Doors, World Cup Edition:

Clichés are an important part of sporting life, giving 110% by taking it one match at a time, full credit to the opposition – and three senators decided to celebrate the Festival of the Vuvuzela with a few of their own today.  Here’s how the game went in real time.

The rambunctious Senator Barnaby Joyce got the ball downfield, deploying his preferred approach of reducing politics to marriages. “The electorate has left Mr Rudd even if he doesn’t realise the relationship is over,” he declared.

Senator Xenophon deftly flicked the ball through into the box with “the Rudd government has dug itself into a big hole and if it can’t dig its way out it’s going to be buried by Australian voters.”  Nice mining allusion there too, Senator.

Senator Fielding latched onto Xenophon’s pass – and hit the posts.  “The government is robbing Peter to pay Paul.”

Luckily it rebounded nicely for him and he had another shot.  “The RSPT is like stealing lollies from the lolly shop,” he said, finding woodwork again.

Just as fans were surrendering all hope, he found the net.  “The Rudd government is stealing from the miners, but they claim because they’re stealing for charity it’s all right.”


How would Fielding celebrate?  An extended kneeslide?  He might be a bit old for that.  Jersey over the face?  Not on a cold winter’s morning.  Instead, he went for “with the paid parental scheme the government is putting prisoners and prostitutes ahead of stay at home mums, it’s just wrong.”

WHAT? Did he just say that?

As always with Steve Fielding, he might score but you have to check whether he’s booted it into his own net.  Not that Fielding probably ever had a lock on the prostitutes’n’prisoners vote, but lumping Australia’s working mums in with them probably isn’t going to help in the only competition that really matters for Fielding – surviving this year’s election.