You don’t have to be a dad to take pride in telling lame jokes. And Christmas shouldn’t be the only time of year it’s okay to enjoy limp puns.

Today, add some joy to your life and learn some terrible gags to impress your family, friends and colleagues! But with great power comes great responsibility. Please don’t turn these gags into a PowerPoint presentation and email it to everyone in your address book.

Samuel Stoddard’s site Really Bad Jokes is a rich source of Q&A-style puns such as “What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon!” But it also includes those long-winded anecdotes engineered purely to set up a puntastic punchline. This is one of my favourites.

Learn from Borsch Belt veterans at Old Jews Telling Jokes. Director Sam Hoffman wanted to preserve the classic gags his elderly relatives would tell. And it’s great that they’re on video, because so much of this humour depends on the delivery.

Dad’s Bad Jokes isn’t so much a list of bad jokes as a treasury of scenarios in which you can embarrass your offspring. For instance, if someone says, “I’m thirsty”, quick as a flash you can reply, “Hi, I’m Friday!” And upon glimpsing a stuffed and mounted animal head, you can muse: “It must have been going pretty fast when it hit that wall!”

One of my favourite parts of weekly UK gossip email Popbitch is its Old Jokes Home segment. Invariably groan-worthy and sometimes very wicked, these aren’t your average Christmas-cracker numbers. Popbitch is also the source of my all-time favourite bad joke: “Yesterday I saw a man stealing my front gate. But I didn’t want to say anything in case he took a fence.”