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May 10, 2010




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57 thoughts on “We need a staunch champion of decency!

  1. Tom Heeren

    Tony’s oldfella is now a temperature gauge, whatever next?

  2. Buzz

    Decaf latte? That’s sooo last decade! The drink of choice for us leftie greenie hypocrites now is a low-fat soy chai latte, in a take-away styrofoam cup.

  3. X Ray

    Bonus points for whoever can spot at least two Dad’s Army references…?

  4. zut alors

    Nice one, First Dog. Australia looks uneasy in frame 4, you have captured our mood.

    Incidentally, why is the heroic gerbil sporting a mask – is ‘Roger’ an alias?

  5. Socratease

    ^ There’s the obvious favourite saying of Corporal Jones in reference to his time in the Sudan, but I can’t spot another.

  6. Mike Jones

    X-RAY – it was the cold steel that they don’t like up them, speaking of which,

    Zut, not only is Roger a gerbil, he’s a transitive verb. Think of him as a doing word.

    I’m buggered if I can spot any more Dad’s Army references – but then there’s a lot of that going on in this toon.

  7. paddy

    I get frightened when you stop telling jokes FD.

  8. John

    Who told Miranda about gerbils?
    Has she been reading gay porn?
    Is that her fantasy?

  9. zut alors


    I’d twigged that Roger was a verb but, in the polite company of a quiet Monday in the Dogonaut Lounge, decided to keep this to myself. It’s a great verb.

  10. Simon Rumble

    Simply Devine.

  11. acannon

    I think I love Roger the Gerbil.

  12. John

    Screen shot from gaydar:
    “jolly roger trying to make contact with devine gerbils”

  13. John Bennetts

    It will take hours to get “Roger the Gerbil” out of my mind. Filthy beast.

  14. Holden Back

    Isn’t it the old urban myth about celebrities with gerbils rolled in cocaine inserted somewhere the sun don’t shine?

  15. John

    Holy shit.
    Is she a devine coke-head?
    Shove that up yer cloaca.

  16. SBH

    Unless Mike Jones you take the pictures of bolter as a graphic representation of Captain Mainwaring’s “Stupid boy.”

  17. Mike Jones

    SBH – good call !

    Zut – Yes, I think FD has misplaced his camomile tea today.

    But for other Dogonauts fond of some outrageous double entendre, google “Captain Pugwash” and see what some BBC radio dudes got away with last century – sea farers all – Seaman Staines, Master Bates and Roger the Cabin Boy……

    A friend told me, not that I know how come these are funny…….. 🙂

  18. Socratease

    @Mike Jones: the Pugwash stuff is bollocks:

    “In interviews, the creator of Captain Pugwash confirmed that this is a myth – the first mate was addressed as ‘Mister Mate’ or ‘Master Mate’. There was no Seaman called Stains, nor a Cabin Boy called Roger. The word ‘Pugwash’ did not refer to a sex act offered by Australian prostitutes. ”


  19. zut alors

    Has anybody read today’s item 11 by Ben Sandilands where he elucidates about the Qantas Chairmans’ Lounge?

    Give me the Dogonaut Lounge anytime – WAY more exclusive & much wittier company.

  20. Venise Alstergren

    What a huge gerbil!

    HOLDEN BACK: Yep, I’ve heard that one. But given the heroic proportions of Roger, it would be a brave person who could put him up where the sun don’t shine.

  21. Holden Back

    VENISE: The thought of voluntarily putting a live rodent – drugged-laced or otherwise – in a body cavity is so bizarre that I assumed the urban myth to have as much basis in fact as one of the Bolter or Devine’s columns.

  22. our man in Canberra

    Like Miranda’s gerbil reference, the story of dodgy Captain Pugwash character names is an urban myth. Search under pugwash at snopes dot com for details.

  23. Rox

    Is the map with the arrows the other Dad’s Army reference?

  24. Mike Jones

    OMiC, true – up to a point, there’s some myth about Captain Pugwash, but even Snopes admits that it’s not easy to spot the difference between the sound of “Mates” and “Bates”. I think the rather fruity voice of the Captain was perhaps considered to be evidence enough. Is Pugwash suss ? My call is “yes”, but yours could be “No” and that’s OK by me. The fun is that it’s pretty hard to tell – probably on porpoise 🙂

  25. our man in Canberra

    Many thanks for setting me straight on this one MJ. To return the favour (given your rather idiosyncratic views on what constitutes evidence) may I suggest you avoid replying to any emails you receive from the wives of highly placed officials in Nigeria ; )

  26. Mike Jones

    OMiC, would that include one delightful girl, Jambalaya of Lagos West ? I’m sure it’s all above board and I’m certain she’ll only keep the ten thou for a couple of weeks ….

  27. zut alors

    Mike, is she the young lady I’ve heard about whose mother requires a life-saving operation?

  28. Socratease

    @ROX: well spotted!

    Shall we sing:

    “Who do you think you are kidding Mr Abbott …”

  29. Jeremy Sear

    My god, Zut Alors, I know nothing about you but your name makes me very very happy.

  30. Venise Alstergren

    HOLDEN BACK: I could not agree with you more. There are some mighty sick puppies out there.

    I too had heard of it as an ‘urban myth’ but then I heard it re-told to me in Bangkok, and I became less sure of the mythology.

    On the other hand, how would you get it out again?

  31. Venise Alstergren


    There was a sailor called Bates
    Who could dance the fandango on skates;
    But a fall on his cutlass
    Rendered him nutless,
    And a dead-set loser on dates.

  32. Holden Back

    Venise, it would be like the beginning of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, surely?

  33. Mike Jones

    Venise, I’m a huge fan of the limerick. How could anyone guess ?

    Here’s my favourite off the wall one from my Dad:

    There once was a man from Bondi
    Who went for a swim – ’twas a farce
    He stepped in the foamy white wash
    And the water came up to his knee

    * this doesn’t rhyme, but it will when the tide comes in…… 🙂

  34. zut alors

    Jeremy S,

    Smile on! My nom de plume is a genteel French exclamation. I’m all in favour of old fashioned mild cussing as the usual 4 letter words have long lost their impact.

    Under stress I’m also prone to uttering ‘Jiminy Cricket!’

  35. Meski

    @Tom: If it is a temperature gauge, I don’t want my temperature taken with it (consider locations that they measure temperature)

  36. Holden Back

    Mike Jones, W. H. Auden has contributed several to the form:

    The Bishop-Elect of Hong Kong
    Has a cock which is ten inches long;
    He thinks the spectators
    Are admiring his gaiters
    When he goes to the Gents–he is wrong.

  37. Venise Alstergren


    Hehehehehehhe Hahahahaha Hehehehehe

    A do-it-yourselfer named Alice
    Used a dynamite stick for a phallus;
    They found her vagina
    In South Carolina
    And parts of her anus in Dallas.

  38. Holden Back

    @Venise & Mike! Uh-oh! Release the bats!!:

    There was a young poet whose sex
    Was aroused by aesthetic effects;
    Marvell’s The Garden
    Gave him a hard-on
    And he came during Oedipus Rex.

  39. Socratease

    From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
    Came a scream that resounded for miles
    They said, “Goodness gracious,
    has Father Ignatius
    forgotten the Bishop has piles?”

  40. Venise Alstergren

    Now that religion has got into it…..

    There was a young lady named Alice
    Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
    The Padre agreed
    ‘Twas done out of need,
    And not out of Protestant malice.

  41. Holden Back

    And to keep it religious (for the Anglicans among you), a word from Wystan:

    Said the Queen to the King: “I don’t frown on
    The fact that you choose to go down on
    My page on the stairs
    But you’ll give the boy airs
    If you will do the job with your crown on.”

  42. Mike Jones

    I do like your work Holden, and Socratease but I thinkVenise beats us with sheer, revolting and very rude imagery. Well done, V !

    Wondering how one could spot a free-range anus in Dallus – would blend in pretty well, I’d reckon.

    I spotted an arsehole in Dallas
    Rough round the edges, it was – also callous
    A bottom from backside or front
    A ex-prez and also a runt (sounds like …..)

  43. Venise Alstergren

    Wow all the talent around here is awesome.

    There was a young girl from St Cyr
    Whose reflex reactions were queer.
    Her escort said, “Mabel
    Get up off the table;
    That money’s to pay for the beer.”

  44. zut alors

    @ Venise, Mike, Socratease, Holden back

    You’re on fire! See what happens the minute First Dog is distracted at ‘the bosom of democracy’ & leaves us unattended in the Dogonaut Lounge…

    Creativity is abounding here – perhaps there should be a competition?

  45. Mike Jones

    A competition sprung up in the den
    It was open to women and men
    To make a crude rhyme
    It was rude lim’rick time
    My dibs are on buster hymen.

  46. Venise Alstergren

    Gadsooks! I’ve just been moderated! What is it; First Dog’s revenge? And it was clean! Well, almost. Yeah, clean.

  47. Socratease

    While screwing his nurse, Dr Zuck
    Poked her coil too far up her tuck
    This caused her left tit
    To began to transmit
    Thus inventing the radio f*ck.

    But as the radio inspectors tell,
    She became the transmitter from Hell
    When sparks from her glands
    Jammed the commercial bands
    And long wave and short wave as well.

    They served notice on said Dr Zuck
    To cease use of his radio f*ck
    So he placed a shunt
    Across her c**t
    And now she quacks like a duck.

  48. Venise Alstergren

    Well, they deleted me altogether on the clean one. So here’s one that is less clean.

    There was a young girl of Darjeeling
    Who could dance with with such exquisite feeling
    Not a murmur was heard,
    Not a sound, not a word,
    But the zipper clasps hitting the ceiling.

  49. Venise Alstergren

    SOCRATEASE: Nothing could match your refined sense of style. Absolutely nothing.

  50. Socratease

    Thanks, Venise.

    I’m here all week … maybe. 🙂

  51. SBH

    Stretching the Dad’s Army theme, gerbils are fuzzy wuzzy

  52. Holden Back

    @Mike Jones I wish it were my work, but it’s Auden’s – he of the ‘Stop all the clocks . . .’. Arguably the best technician in poetry in the English language of the last century. With a face like an aerial photo of Afghanistan.

  53. Mike Jones

    That’s a beautiful simile, you’ve got there, Holden. May I appropriate it ?

    In exchange, I’d like to offer you this one of mine – I commented that Ben Pobjie over at the ABC’s Unleashed had more exposure than a bum on a nudist beach.

    Didn’t get published, of course – except over at the pig’s arms – where we have a place for comments that get pinged at Unleashed.

  54. Holden Back

    Mike Jones, use it in good health – face like a Dunlop Volley sole is another simile which fits.

    If being unfunny is grounds for sacking, Pobjie should be watching his back.

  55. Venise Alstergren

    HOLDEN BACK: Agree totally re your WH Auden comments. Isn’t “Stop all the Clocks” poem called Funeral Blues?



  56. Holden Back

    VENISE, Yes it is, but FDOTM used to mourn what seemed like Maclolm’s passing from the chamber.

    So, do we move onto Phillip Larkin next?

  57. Venise Alstergren

    HOLDEN BACK: I remember now. Thanks.

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