Sun_Wot_Won_It1The UK Sun, Rupert’s red-top, has always been winningly subtle in its political support. It was, of course, “the Sun wot won it” for the Tories in 1992, and then thoughtfullly awarded 10 Downing to Blair in ’97. This year’s model is the pink, glossy-faced (that’s a literal description) David Cameron. It’s refreshing to see how the Sun lays out its news, a chance to admire the finesse of its manipulations. This is how delivered the rosy dawn of the next government to its 3 million visitors today.

The countdown clock is grouse, but while the pictures of dour dad Gordon and mousy son Miliband are suitably laughable, the religio-pun is a little slack. Perhaps they could have done a Gord-God line?

It’s a neat link to “Halo,” (cute) ” it’s Clegg the preacher” (are Suntanners pro- or anti-church?) but it’s annoyingly hard to find a bad picture of this new member of the innovational three clegged race. He’s a sort of liberal dreamboat here. Poor pic editing.

Wham Cam thankyoumam on the other hand, looks considered and, let’s say it, visionary. Well-groomed, big browed, Tory-sexy. Plus, he’ll aid the vulnerable “in the tough times ahead.” (He doesn’t mean Rupert’s other media pet, the Times.) Another adoring photo of Wham Cam to illustrate the poll link – the camera has the same upward gaze as leaders’ spouses always perform in public. And Cam one more time, but in an action man shot, mouth open and exhorting: “Tories could ‘win majority’.” Carn Tories. They only need 14 more seats! (If they beat the cleggy-dems in every contested spot.) No, but wait! – one last Cam, from above as he signs his “16-point contract with UK.”

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The Kick-Ass line is a splendid amalgamation of pop culture (the exceedingly foul-mouthed movie Kick-Ass notoriously has its 11-y-o heroine using the c word – could this reference be deep code to Sunfolk?), coarse language, and faintly terrorist baiting picture – is that a boy-burka?

“Lib Dem chief’s policy porkies” – beautiful, considerate touch: rhymin’ slang to coöp the last of the literate chavs and cockneys in London.

Brill! A peerlessly ghastly photo of Blair in his full popeyed craziness. The pic editor will score an extra pint at the pub later.

“Labor faces total write-off” – no prizes for the head, but to the point. The (actual) car crash story gracefully pivots at the end, back to Bigotgate: [interviewer] Paxman also asked him: “Why do you think people don’t like you?” He replied: “I sleep through the night.”

Nope, there is yet another last picture of Wham Cam (making up 35% of the pictures here if we include the “debate verdicts” thumbnail) – this time uxoriously showing off “Sam Cam.” “That’s sum tum for Sam Cam: Samantha Cameron sure looks swell as she shows off bump on the campaign trail.” That’s like five nobrow rhymes and puns in a row: all in 20 words – just genius.

And best for last: Brooke Kinsella, an ex-soapie in EastEnders, has been campaigning against knife crime since her brother’s death by stabbing. 18 months later she realises who really killed him. She says, “Labour should take responsibilty for my brother’s death. Now I’m going to work for David Cameron.” That beautifully sad tilting headshot – whata performance. Wham bam, thank you mam!