We had a deal Australia. I slaved over this cartoon and then you voted and now it is time to come good. As is evidenced by this hilarious cartoon being shown here again it is timely to remind all you so-called voters that now you have to pay actual money and buy the stickers even if you didn’t vote for these ones because that is how Democracy works! Otherwise this is some kind of totalitarian dictatorship survival of the fittest thing in which only the winners thrive and if we don’t sell more of these stickers the Marketing Department will not return my children.

Perhaps I have jumped the shark? Perhaps I am no longer loved? Perhaps when you called me “a National Institution” and “Australia’s Hottest and Funniest Living Cartoonist Living or Dead” and “Mr Thrusty”, they were all just names, just sugary epithets insincere people throw around while in the throes of hilarity. Perhaps I have passed my use by date and it is time to hang up the Drawing Tablet and the Imac and ride off into the sunset to die in the gutter in ignominious obscurity with a carton of UDL under my arm and only a Michael Leunig tea cosy covering my privates. Perhaps my own irrelevance is the reason these stickers are not selling and the reason I am mocked each day as I walk into the office with names like “not very good sticker fellow” and “the bad bumper sticker idea guy” and “trout features”. But it’s ok, I deserve it I suppose. I deserve it for hoping, even for a moment, that there was something more in this life than dust and ashes and bitterness and the hole I tore in my Christopher Pyne Unicorn T-shirt. Even though I come in here day after day with only one thought which is to bring a little joy, a small moment of pleasure into the tortured, empty, empty lives of my so-called loyal readers it is not reasonable to expect that people would repay my sacrifice in any way other than by subjecting me to the humiliation of forgotten dusty insignificance and absolute failing failure. Perhaps I should end it all and throw myself into the Akerman enclosure at the zoo.

Oh my pants, how adorable!

If you change your mind and decide you really do care, that you too are a being of light, you can prove it by purchasing a set of three fabulous stickers for only $10. Click here to see the winning designs (not that it should matter to lovers of freedom which ones were chosen!) You know how this works, for any other cartoonist or humorist or professional hilarious person this kind of ironic “begging” or “soliciting” would be unseemly, however I have cleverly woven this kind of post-post-modern meta-Gaga-esque appeal for cash into the very weft and weave of my public persona which is a lot closer to the real me than you might imagine and doesn’t that give everyone a fright when they finally find out. Actually it is a bit sad and I am ashamed and confused. These are dark times.

Anyway, hand over the cash or never read my cartoons again until next time I have something else that might interest you. Coming Soon: Time Share on the Moon.

OK you angry bitter losers – quite a few of these have become t-shirts over here at http://www.redbubble.com/people/CrikeyShop

I may add the rest when I recover from being so sad at being let down by you all.

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Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
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