Facebook Google Menu Linkedin lock Pinterest Search Twitter



Feb 16, 2010



We recommend

From around the web

Powered by Taboola


Leave a comment

58 thoughts on “Tony Abbott’s Penis and the Goblet of Fire

  1. Jonathan Green

    Pretty much the best thing you have ever done.

  2. paddy

    Never mind Barnaby. Someone call the RSPCA.
    That poor eagle could be poisoned!!! 🙂

  3. Amber Jamieson

    You can’t spell Abbott, but you are mildly amusing.

  4. meski

    That poor eagle’s a swallow.

  5. Eponymous


    ‘hugely popular member’

    ‘So harden up…’

  6. Mike Bowers

    To quote Larry the cable guy
    “I dont care who you are that’s funny”

  7. SBH

    Timely dog. I’m working on the gummnt homelssness strategy right now. These ideas were almost ignored!

  8. Kym Smith

    Best yet.
    Now I am looking forward to the coming election.

  9. Vicki Grieves

    You are not wrong – look at how much time devoted to it on Q&A last night! Australia, your standing in it!
    Come to think of it a Q7A toon would be fun.

  10. Ern Malleys cat

    You’ve drawn it with two eyes.
    Because it was so small I had to click for the engorged version to be sure.
    Typical misrepresentation from Arsehat Media Management.

  11. Geoffrey Roberson

    Meski, that’s rude!! But very clever!

  12. Keith is not my real name

    Oh ffs sake! now I have to buy yet another T-shirt 😀

  13. Denise Marcos

    As always, Jasper calls it like it is ie: “Howard did it for years.” Pure bliss, Mr On The Moon.

  14. Tom McLoughlin

    Only a fool fails to respect their enemy.

  15. Chris Johnson

    I’m so hoping Harry will call on the Opposition Spokesphallus in the debate on our recalcitrant homeless! That his wang got winged off is quite fitting for a bloke so besotted with his boy’s bit he wraps it in lycra and shiny spandex for frequent public display. There’s no love muscle in Tony Abbott – just trouser dough.

  16. wyane

    “For the enlarged version click here” … never made more sense. You should patent that, FD. Sure beats the heck out of those vacuum pump thingos. Well, I imagine it would. 🙂

  17. Buzz

    I expect his policy package to fully nail the issue.

  18. whatiris

    @Tom McLaughlin – but I don’t respect my own side! Let alone my enemy!

  19. Catherine Rytmeister

    Oh that’s wonderful, Mr OntheMoon. How we do adore you! And how we loathe Tony Abbott.

    BTW I thought I would share with you a little song I wrote in response to Mr Abbott’s advice to his daughters a couple of weeks ago. It is set to Mr Bogle’s excellent tune “And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda”, and I very much hope that Mr Bogle doesn’t mind me borrowing it for a bit. And staying close to just a couple of the original lines, ‘cos they were too good to chuck away. Anyway, here it is:

    The Tony Abbott Song/Precious Gift

    When I was a young girl, pure and whole
    I lived the clean life of a virgin
    I had no idea that my precious gift
    Was important to some politicians.
    So when I turned 18 and the boy up the road
    Said hey, how about it? I didn’t say “no”.
    But dear Tony Abbott, if only I’d known
    I’d have waited at least one more fortnight.

    For I was now bereft of true value
    By choosing a life full of sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    All I’ve left is the box it came in.

    And well I remember relief on those days
    That my blood stained the sheets and the blankets
    I took many risks but was mostly OK
    I look back and for that I’m most thankful.
    But I wonder, if only I’d kept myself nice,
    Wore lippy and heels and played sugar and spice –
    I’d have landed a man who’d have treated me right –
    Someone just like that hypocrite Tony.

    For I was now bereft of true value
    By choosing a life full of sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    All I’ve left is the box it came in.

    I grew older and wiser and carried a pack-
    et of three, just in case I got lucky
    And I did pretty well, despite no advice
    From Abbott or Andrews or Tuckey.
    Johnny Turk he was ready, he’d primed himself well,
    But that wasn’t enough, I had Tommy as well
    And Paddy, and Jock, and Pierre and Manuel
    I had a right multicultural party.

    With my precious gift thoroughly squandered
    I still somehow managed with men
    I swore and I drank and I danced and I skanked
    While the band played Wild Rover Again.

    Now I’ve settled down, with a rather good bloke,
    Who with second-hand gifts seems delighted.
    And I’ve a daughter myself, of that age when you might
    Give advice, about life to enlighten.
    I’ve told her to give what she wishes and when
    To respect herself and be respected by men
    And above all before she is settled and wed
    To make sure she gets plenty of practice.

    For a woman is more than a hymen
    She has much more to offer the world
    And if Abbott can’t see all that we wish to be
    He can keep his advice to himself.

    For I’ve filled my life with true value
    By choosing to live it in sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    But I’ve still got the box it came in!

  20. realist

    Purity is for the impotent and the unf able !

    Which one are you Tony ?

  21. twobob

    Boy I am glad that I checked this out FD. Cos I have stumbled upon a tremendously funny cartoon about abbot*s dick, howards true identity and Catherine Rytmeisters wit.
    best yet and I thought fuctards was unbeatable.
    Thank you very much

  22. podrick

    People at my work are wondering why I nearly pissing myself laughing.

  23. Buzz

    Excellent song Catherine! We need to have a Dogonauts party and sing it loud.

  24. paddy

    Bravo Catherine. That’s a ripper of a song.

  25. Venise Alstergren

    🙂 Ah FD you’ve done it again. 🙂

    “Good times” even if not drawn to scale. 🙂

    That poor eagle is deluded; he doesn’t realise he’s just become a dead duck. 🙁

  26. Venise Alstergren

    CATHERINE: That song is bloody brilliant! 🙂

  27. Catherine Rytmeister

    Aw gee shucks thanks for your lovely comments. Feel free to sing it whenever and wherever appropriate. And where it’s not appropriate, if the spirit moves you… 😀

  28. John

    Cathy, that’s terrific.
    Fela and Stanley would be in hysterics.
    Rhonda’s girl is great.
    Love you,
    Johnny G.

  29. Catherine Rytmeister

    John, hi! Send me an email – I’m at Macquarie Uni, would love to catch up.

    Sorry, Mr OntheMoon, for turning your comment log into a family reunion.


  30. Mike Jones

    Doggy, and so many commenters, we salute you.

    I’d ask for a T shirt, but like those ones with “I’m not an American”, it might be too dangerous and could get the wearer killed by the semi-literate – which might also help drive a penile homelessness policy.

    I DO note that a penis with no balls is not very useful – so 10/10 for accuracy, FDOM.

    Bless you and long may you draw.

  31. Venise Alstergren

    Seeing that the subject of this cartoon is Tony Abbott’s wang I wondered if anyone remembers the delightful limerick:

    There was a young lady from Crewe
    who found an elephant’s wang in her stew.
    Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
    or wave it about,
    Or the others will all want one too”.

  32. Rachel Davies

    Is it too early to put in requests for election badges? I’d like an arsehat, a right wing knob and a left wing d*ckhead to be included in the collection.

  33. Dalziel

    “Kill the Hobo’s Policy”: Jasper has no shame.
    Nice balance between the bullet to the head with the previous mentioned vs. the empathic: “some people are so broken…., etc.
    Any more gushing and you’d be able to call me Venise. (Who I also deeply respect…)

    Hey, BTW: finally caught up with several weeks First Dog backlog (weep with envy, all: like 4 shots Tequila with a Long Island Iced Tea to follow).

    There was one titled ‘My School”: 29th January.

    Follows is my humble offering of a true story…

    Regards to all.

  34. Flower

    Bird you may keep the wang …………but bring me his ears!

  35. Keith is not my real name

    Those Wedge Tailed Eagles must have some powerful eyesight

  36. Venise Alstergren

    DALZIEL: I suppose I do gush. Thanks for the tip! I’ll try, really try to prune it back a bit.



  37. Redwhine

    Tony’s love-muscle SHOULD run for a seat. I’d vote for it.

  38. Mike Jones

    Buzz, another piece of crystal clarity ! Dogonauts ! Yes ! In search of the …. the golden what ?

  39. 1from5

    The link should at least read “For the engorged version click here”

  40. Sian

    Love it, and now my second favourite ever – only behind the death of capitalism one…

  41. meski

    Venise, prune it back a bit? Are you a mohel?

  42. Ern Malleys cat

    @meski – are you implying Venise was Meyer Lansky’s mistress?

  43. Dez Hoy

    Not drawn to scale? How would you know FD? Snigger

  44. Fascinated

    In search of the golden.. baquette.

  45. meski

    Yes, mohel. It’s quite germane. For those of you with an aversion to clicking on my links (and there is sometimes a good reason for that)

    A mohel (Hebrew:מוהל, plural mohelim, pronunciation: moy’el, mo’hel) is a Jewish man trained in the practice of Brit milah (circumcision).

    Which is why I asked if Venise was one, as she was talking about pruning it a bit 🙂

    [FD: Are you suggesting she is a slack mohel? – ahahahahha]

  46. Vicki Grieves

    Go Catherine!

  47. Venise Alstergren

    MESKI: Help. What’s a mohel?

  48. Venise Alstergren

    EMC: I’ll deal with you later!

    Mr On the Moon: Likewise!

  49. meski

    Argh, I did post it, but using the j word put it into moderation. FD seems to be running with the meme.

  50. Venise Alstergren

    MESKI: For some reason the moderator has held up my reply. I didn’t use the ‘j’ word. Maybe it was the limerick???!!!

  51. Venise Alstergren

    Shite they’ve castrated my answer to you. Which was just wondering if it was a mohel was the guy who cut round the penis then ripped off the foreskin with his teeth.

    Any other man from the community seen to be going down on baby boys would be in serious trouble. But because it’s in the name of religion it’s acceptable.

    My use of the word ‘pruning’ was what I was thinking of doing to my roses. It’s probably a bit early for that.

    Finally I said ‘I have no aversion to clicking onto your links. Olé. it’s just that I don’t know how.’

  52. meski

    That description left me wincing.

    I’m now thinking of a reformation band called ‘The Mohels’ singing ‘Total Control’

  53. Venise Alstergren

    MESKI: Very funny! Olé olé!

  54. Rosemary Milburn

    Thanks for the brilliant writing Cathy!

  55. gerard

    I wonder if he looks away when eating a banana?

  56. Ben Aveling

    > Tasmanian reporter Alison Andrews, who asked Abbott what he was giving up for Lent.
    >In line with what has previously been described as his open-mouth policy, Abbott said: “Sex.”

    Such foresight.

Leave a comment


https://www.crikey.com.au/2010/02/16/tony-abbots-penis-and-the-goblet-of-fire/ == https://www.crikey.com.au/free-trial/==https://www.crikey.com.au/subscribe/

Show popup

Telling you what the others don't. FREE for 21 days.

Free Trial form on Pop Up

Free Trial form on Pop Up
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.