It started with the Warren Commission, the 9/11 Commission, the Pentagon Papers, the Da Vinci Code, Senator Steve Fielding’s climate change graph … and now we have the Crawford Report.
Never in the history of mankind have we witnessed such an attack on our liberty, freedoms and constitutional democracy. Not since the Japanese sent submarines into Sydney Harbour in a pre-emptive strike against the 2000 Olympics have we espied such a concerted assault on the independence of our sovereign nation.
More discriminatory that the White Australia Policy, more evil than the Final Solution, more un-Australian than Whitlam’s dismissal, this agent of Satan — David Crawford — is setting about to undermine the very fibre and character of the Australian people.
Where we once celebrated Ned Kelly and the Eureka Stockade and John Florey and Rusty Crowe, Australians are now being stripped of every sacred site, every endeavour of value and every iota of historical substance. And it’s all the work of David Crawford, or Beelzebub, as his birth certificate actually states.
Unless we receive another $100 million now, then Australians face the dire and irreversible prospect of not winning a medal in fencing, archery, water polo or long jump. Think about it folks. No medals in these icons of Australian folklore and identity. Now if that doesn’t make you stay awake at night in terror, then you’re not a real Australian.
Forget about global warming, forget about nuclear proliferation, the rise of the Taliban or Sarah Palin’s ghost written autobiography — imagine the horrors Australians will be forced to live under if we are not standing on the shot put dais in 2012?
There are Aboriginal people still living in Third World conditions who have told me that the most important and meaningful gesture any government can do for them is to ensure we get at least a bronze medal in synchronised swimming. A silver would give true validation of the NT intervention.
Homeless people Australia-wide will be lining the streets outside their local Salvo, cramming to watch the London Games, desperate — not so much for food and shelter — but for the sense of identity and tradition a placing in handball will bestow upon them.
David Crawford is the Osama bin Laden of sports evaluation. If he’d hijacked aeroplanes and flown them into the AIS headquarters in Bruce he couldn’t have caused greater world calamity.
And what do you think the British are doing this very day? Worrying about their casualty rate in Afghanistan? I doubt it. Concerned about the plunging pound? No way. Miffed by the failures of Gordon Brown? You’re joking. No, the British, to a man, are laughing at the demise of the Australian psyche, the decimation of our ethos and the crumbling decay that will be our notion of identity.
Only hundreds of millions of dollars invested in fringe sports can save this once proud nation from the withering betrayal of David Crawford and his band of Benedict Arnolds.
Australians — take to the streets, rise and proclaim a new revolution. We need more money in Olympic sports. Your future depends on it.