Walter Slurry has heard the infamous audio tape between Michael McGurk and A Colourful Sydney identity (ACSI) …

McGURK: Mate, my life’s in danger. I’m terrified. I reckon they’re gonna knock me off …

ACSI: Hired killers?

McGURK: No, the NSW ALP. They’re much more dangerous.

ACSI: Is it because of the bribery and corruption over land development?

McGURK: No mate, it’s because of the barber I recommended to Anthony Albanese — did you see what the bloke did to his hair? It’s criminal.

ACSI: I hear you. Why don’t you run this past Richo? Maybe Offset Alpine could publish something helpful to your cause? If Richo tells the media it’s all Kosher and you’ve done nothin’ wrong, won’t that put an end to it? Everybody believes Graham Richardson, don’t they?

[Inaudible … sounds of mirth … merriment … giggles]

McGURK: The thing is mate, this goes all the way to the top. If they get wind of what Albo is up to, it’s gonna bring the government down. Thing is, Piers Akerman’s already on to it. He’ll go on Insiders and make a friggin’ bunch of accusations. That Piers is a bloodhound. He’s got a nose that’ll sniff anything. We can’t have Piers rooting around this airport bizzo …

ACSI: You mean the Albo rumours are true?

McGURK: Yeah mate. He’s gonna move Kingsford Smith airport to Malcolm Turnbull’s electorate to stop aircraft flights over Grayndler.

ACSI: Sydney airport will be relocated to Bondi?

McGURK: Yeah mate. Albo’s got this plan to turn Campbell Parade into the Third Runway … Max Moore-Wilton wants to turn Bondi Pavilion into a Qantas Club …

ACSI: You’re joking? Surely Peter Garrett won’t allow it. The pollution will destroy tourism and threaten one of our most pristine beaches. That Garrett’s one tough hombre. When he says the environment’s at risk, there’s no stopping him. That Martin Ferguson’s no match for Peter Garrett …

[Inaudible ….laughter … sound of grown men wetting their pants …]

McGURK: Mate … thing is, we’ve already got Barry O’Farrell onside. Told him to play dead for a while and the bloke’s doing a triffic job. I can’t believe what a brilliant actor he is. Another couple of years of impersonating Sally Robbins and we’ll see Rees re-elected with a bloody majority …

[Inaudible … Champaign corks flying … laughter … balloons being released]

Thing is mate, I’m gonna go to the media and tell them the truth — maybe tell the Sydney Morning Herald the whole story …

ACSI: Why the Herald? Why don’t you leak it to a paper people read?

[Inaudible .. sounds of fish and chips being wrapped up … ]

McGURK: You know, when folks in Queensland and West Australia here about this they’re gonna sh-t themselves. Imagine the look on their faces when they read about a State Labor Government being corrupt …