Some Dos and Don’ts for Richard Wilkins.

DO take a breath. Yes, it’s a big day. It’s very exciting and everyone in Hollywood seems to be dead and dying. It’s your moment. Things haven’t been this fast paced since Heath Ledger’s body was wheeled out of a New York apartment at about the same time, our time.

We’re all a little flustered and it’s very hard to resist the lure of constant updates and rumours and RTs. That and you get to say things like “the king of pop is dead” and “the man in the mirror is gone” and “it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, the thriller is no more”.

Sure, go there if you have to.

But DON’T repeat everything you read on Twitter. At least, not on live television.

And DON’T run the Jeff Goldblum montage until you’ve actually confirmed that he’s dead:

DO take heed of the wise tweets of Kevin Spacey:

@KevinSpaceyJeff Goldblum is alive and well. I just spoke to his manager. Stop these stupid rumors.

And DON’T make poor Karl do your dirty work with his embarrassing backpeddling while you look sheepish:

And please for the love of God DO stop cutting to Richard Reid, Hollywood reporter/excrutiatingly unwatchable human being:

“Well a few months ago I got a call from Kuala Lumpur asking if Tom Cruise had fallen to his death from a cliff in New Zealand… so I’m just not sure what is truth and what is fiction….” ‘reported’ Reid.

Meanwhile, Greg Cary’s producer, DO remember to check up on who’s alive and who’s dead:

4BC (Brisbane)
Greg Cary Morning Show – 26/06/2009 – 10:19 AM
Greg Cary
Station Ph: 07 3908 8200

Cary says it is almost certain Jeff Goldblum has died in NZ. Cary talks about his films The Big Chill and The Fly. He married Geena Davis and says he went to the Olympic Games as an archer. He says he is on television now in Criminal Intent. He says he understands the rumours of Harrison Ford dying to be a hoax.

Jeff Goldblum’s phone bill is going to be pretty hefty this month. Half an hour later:

4BC (Brisbane)
Greg Cary Morning Show – 26/06/2009 – 10:51 AM
Greg Cary
Cary says they have spoken to Jeff Goldblum’s manager who assures them he is alive and well. He talks about the hoax deaths and asks why people would do it?

Because people like you Greg Cary, and Richard Wilkins, make it worth their while.

Please DO accept this Wankley.

Peter Fray

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