Yesterday, Guy Rundle asked: Can you Werbeloff? It seems that you can.
There are two ways to werbeloff:
Classic werbeloff: Convey a current news story, literary or popular classic using the elements of polar opposites plus a racial epithet (e.g. fat/thin, tall/short, wog skip dago poofter etc) with a brief contrary exchange, followed by onomatopoeic gunfire or mimicry thereof.
Freestyle werbeloff: The same, using a limited palette of racial slurs, “sick” “chick” “totes” “mate” and a few other terms, in such a disdainful way that not even the desperate “politically incorrect” right would want to own it.
He also promised you some lovely First Dog merchandise in exchange for your werbeloffy witticisms. And so, the winners in each category are:
Classic: Simon Wilkins writes: (Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle from quantum physics). So, right there’s these two properties, like possie and momentum and one of them is like “you can’t be measured at the same time as me, eh bro!” and the other is like “Nah, bro, I will totally call all my fully sick boys and collapse your wavefunction, for sh-t eh!” and then one of them mentioned gravity and it was Chk Chk Boom and that was all I wanted to see.
Freestyle: Doogsta writes: (On chess). Chk Chk Mate.
But there are lots of other honourable mentions — go you bogans:
J Collings writes: (Based on this article). P-rn scorn for sick prick watching pig Bang Bang A Chick.
Chrispy Dog writes: (North Korea). This little fat chink goes up to the tall skinny darkie and says “stick ya six party talks” and goes Tick Tick Boom!
Bryley Drummond writes: (Romeo and Juliet). There were these two wogs fighting and the fatter wog said to the skinnier wog, “Oi bro, your brother Romeo slepsht with my cousin Juliet” and the other one said “Nah man, he didn’t for sh-t, eh” and so Romeo took some fully sick poison and Juliet pulled out a gun and went Chk Chk Boom.
Hugh Goold writes: (Swine Flu). So this manky Mexican coughs all over some hot American chick, and she goes back to Texas, and it’s all like Oink Oink Dead.
Matthew Francis writes: (ETS). This lesbo chink says youse all gotta shell out more for smoking coal durries, but then this sister chasing banana bender is all like we is a fart in the wind ‘cos of what all them other chinks is doing. Then that posh merchant wanker guy is all like Flip Flip Flop.
Jim Ivins writes: (JJ Abrams’ Star Trek). These Mauri wogs went the hack on some guy’s spaceship. Then the smooth-talkin’ dude got the hots for the abo chick* but she gave him the flick for the pointer-eared wog. At the end, the boss Maori comes back with his fully sick boys and suddenly it’s Chk Chk Boom!” *Nyota Uhura if you haven’t seen it, played with style and attitude by Zoe Saldana (who also great cheek bones).
Andy Macbeth writes: (Albanese’s rather laboured attempt at co-opting Werbeloff to attack Turnbull). Fatter wog totally disses thinner skip.
Pat McGrath writes: (Medea). This full bitch wog chick gets back at her bloke Jase cos he got off with some rich chick when he was on a footy trip by fully shooting her own kids, Chick Chick Boom!
Dean Montgomery writes: (On Australian drinking culture). Heaps of people getting pissed and sh-t on cheap booze ‘n that, its heaps fun but eh, Sick Sick Goon.
Dean Montgomery writes: (On Hicks/Gitmo). The seppos took some wogs from one country and stuck them in another wog country where they couldn’t so sh-t eh, some bloke from Adelaide got caught up in it eh, he said he was innocent and sh-t but the seppos locked him up anyway and pointed to his prison cell and said, Hicks Hicks Room.
Dean Montgomery writes: (On The Merchant of Venice). The big nosed wog said to the skinny wog “Oi bro, you ripped me off eh, I’m going to get my fully sick boys to cut a pound of flesh from you”, the skinny wog said “no you wont for sh-t eh cos you cant take a drop of blood” then he looked at the big nosed wog and said Rip Rip Jew.
Kate Morris: (The GFC). Stoopid rich yanks lent a lotta money to stoopid poor yanks who couldn’t pay and now we’re all Crash Crash Bust!
Josh Seskis writes: (On the Sokal Affair). One sciency glasses poof sent some papers on transgressing and sh-t to some other nerdy poofs and it was all Science Science Wars.
Josh Seskis writes: (On Cyclone Aila). Some poofy hot water met some woggy low pressure system and they said lets smash some India and it was Bye Bye Pakis.
Simon Wilkins writes: (Darwin’s theory of evolution). So like there’s these two species, right, and one goes “You slept with my cousin eh bro!” and the other one goes “nah mate, I fully am your cousin bro!” and the first one goes “Well I am going to get all my fully sick bro’s together and fully out-survive you, for sh-t eh?!” and then one of them pulled out a gun and said “survive this!” and I heard a Chk Chk Boom and that was all I wanted to see.
Daniel Willis writes: (Rudd & Barrowman). So this Chinese square says to this German square 我恨您在大学 and the German square was all like just suck it bro and then he went Press Press Sweden.
Daniel Willis writes: (À rebours). This weird fag says to these other fags f-ck you man I’m makin my own crew, and then he just cuts sick and it was all Nothing-Nothing-Tortoise.
Zachary King writes: (Israeli-Palestinian conflict). The old wogs said to the new wogs “hey youse stole all our land” and the new wogs said “nah mate, we didn’t for sh-t eh.” “I will call on my fully sick Hezbollah” and the other wog pulled out his American built tanks and went Chk Chk Boom!
Zachary King writes: (Romeo and Juliet). Oh skinny wog, skinny wog, wherefore art thou skinny wog? I am right here for sh-t eh. I will call on my fully sick Capulets. then the skinny wog took his poison and so the fat wog pulled out her happy dagger and went Stab Stab Dead.
Zachary King writes: (Creation). And the Lord Wog said, let there be fully sick Hyundais with full body kits. and there were fully sick Hyundais with full body kits.
Fiona Katauskas writes: Here’s my entry but it’s in the form of a cartoon I did yesterday morning for yesterday’s New Matilda:
Matt Longworth writes: Eh bro, what do you know about dagos?
Well, when two dagos start to fight, it’s called a fully dago battle.
And when the dagos start to shoot it’s called a fully dago shooting battle.
AND when the dagos start their battle after having had a bottle
it’s called a fully dago bottle shooting battle.
AND when the meja find a bogan to comment on the battle
they call this a fully bogan dago bottle shooting battle.
AND when the bloggers loose their poodles to twitter on the battle
this is called a fully blogger poodle twitter bogan dago bottle shooting battle.
AND when the coppers tell the meja they got dudded on the battle
and the meja lose their mettle and react like startled cattle…
well, the dago shooting battle is forgotten in the prattle
and the bogan’s topping google ’cause she really used her noodle.
So, what do you know about dagos, bro eh?
Well, fully bottled dagos shooting bullets in a battle,
gets the meja in a huddle and eventually they enable
a fully frontal bogan to get a staple in her navel.