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Journalism

May 26, 2009

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Clare’s take on…

The News:

Iraq: One set of sand wogs said to another set of sand wogs hey mate you stole my oil and the other said no I didn’t mate and they said yeah you did and then it was shock shock awe.

The 2008 US election: This thin Abo went up against this coffin dodger and it was all hope hope change.

Pandemics: This new wog takes over from this old wog and everyone gets totally sick.

The Monthly: This slick chick got the flick.

AIDS: Some Africans fucked some monkeys and now we’re all fully sick.

Sol Trujillo: Some bloke who screwed up our telecoms goes and tells everyone we’re racist, the chubby little sister-selling, donkey-screwing wetback.

The NRL scandal: (see official Cronulla Sharks press release)

The Classics:

Oedipus: This old wog says to this young wog hey mate your wife is your mother and he says no mate and he says yeah totes and then it’s pfflp pfflp arghhh*.

The Iliad: These Westie wogs went the hack on the Eastside Wogs cos the Eastside wogs stole the Westies town bike and this wog couldn’t find his way home cos all their houses look the same.

Aesop’s fable of the Dog With the Bone: This fat dog with this small bone sees this thin dog with this fat bone in the water and he drops his bone to get the one in the water and it’s something about chasing after illusions can I have my record deal now?

General:

Corey Worthington: Thick prick gets chicks by tricking hicks.

Clare Werbeloff: This smart wog worked out where this dumb bogan lives so she changed her story about the chk chk boom.

Caroline “Clare’s a bogan, I’m a bogan” Overington’s 2007 election: Thick chick hits prick gets sick then, for a while, the flick.

Can you werbeloff? It’s easy!

Competition: A natty selection of First Dog on the Moon merchandise (trust us) for the best entry in each category! Send your entries to boss@crikey.com.au with ‘Werbeloff’ in the subject field. You can also tweet your entries using the hash tag #whatwouldclaresay.

There are two ways to werbeloff:

Classic werbeloff: Convey a current news story, literary or popular classic using the elements of polar opposites plus a racial epithet (e.g. fat/thin, tall/short, wog skip dago poofter etc) with a brief contrary exchange, followed by onomatopoeic gunfire or mimicry thereof.

Freestyle werbeloff: The same, using a limited palette of racial slurs, “sick” “chick” “totes” “mate” and a few other terms, in such a disdainful way that not even the desperate “politically incorrect” right would want to own it.

*Sound of eyeballs being stabbed.

Get up to date with the history at Crikey’s Clare the Bogan page.

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