Inspired by Crikey’s cat food for comment expose, and editor Jonathan Green’s speech to PR types this week, this week’s Wankley goes to some of our favourite press release zingers. Incidentally, if you happen to see any in your travels, please send them to [email protected].

Let’s begin with Markson Sparks’ magnanimous offer of a completely different angle on a story that had seemingly exhausted them all:

Australia’s leading numerologist Max Coppa crunches the numbers on Matthew Johns

Matthew Johns has three 7’s in his birth date and is a life lesson 7 also. The number 7 relates to intelligence and insight, but also upheavals and challenges. Matthew is a very switched on guy however his decision to do what he did seven years ago comes down to his impulsive nature and the fact that he enjoys doing something a little risky or different from the norm. When Matthew made the choice to participate in that particular event, he was in a negative 2 cycle which is all about females, partnerships and family. The 20-2 shows that during a 12 month period he would have challenges with women and his relationship in general.

Matthew is currently in an 8 cycle which represents money, power and s-x primarily and it is a time when issues relating to those areas arise. Matthew is entering his 9 cycle in July this year which is all about endings and I’m afraid to say, personal sacrifice. This event has cost Matthew dearly but unfortunately it isn’t over yet as the affect of his 9 cycle will endure for the best part of 12 months. It also shows clearly that although his wife is openly supporting him, she hasn’t forgiven him and it will still take some time before she can move past this. With no 6-5-4 combination in his numerology grid (represents his ability to relate to his partner), personal relationships are an area of challenge for Matthew and he still has a long way to go.

Matthew will enter a more positive 1 cycle in July 2010 and for all intents and purposes should find he is able to pick up the pieces and move forward more easily. However he will again enter a negative 2 cycle in July 2011 and this will be another testing time for Matthew, his wife and his family.

Focus might also turn to Matthew Johns family members now, and things of the past may come to the surface during this time. There are still more challenges ahead for Matthew and this will undoubtedly put more pressure on his relationship.

For further information or to interview Max Coppa, please contact Lewis Khan at Markson Sparks!

Ah, so it was all down to the negative 2 cycle. Johns should’ve used that line in the Grimshaw interview… Meanwhile, in pet news just to hand:

Sparkling Mineral Water for Dogs. What’s next, Caviar for cats?

Premium pet products company, Pets Palace, is launching a range of natural mineral water for dogs.

Top-of-the-line Bellaqua is a sparkling natural mineral water, presented in handmade crystal bottles encrusted with jewels.

For those pooches that prefer their water without sparkles, there’s Pet Pop, a still mineral water in a range of colours, created with natural ingredients. Available in Luscious Lulu, Lemon Lola, Candy Pop and Betty Blu, Pet Pop’s zingy colours will make a statement in your dog’s water bowl.

According to the Australian Companion Animal Council, in 2005 an estimated 63% of households in Australia owned a pet, with 53% owning a dog or cat. Although numbers are in gradual decline, expenditure on pet care is increasing.

“Pets really are one of the family,” says Pets Palace spokeswoman, Diane Costa. “We treat them and spoil them as if they were our children. It’s just as much fun to put a dog in a cute sweatshirt as it is a child.”

The change is visible in our shopping centres. Pet stores are crowded with treats, toys and doggie fashion. Supermarket shelves are lined with premium foods boasting a high nutritional content and a range of ingredients that would tempt a human palate.

“Once upon a time a can of dog food smelled and tasted like, well, chopped liver,” says Diane. “Now dogs can dine on ‘fresh garden vegetables, slowly cooked with tender lamb chunks in rich gravy’. So why not offer them a decent drink to wash it down with?”

Bellaqua costs AUD42.50 for a box of four, plus delivery, and Pet Pop AUD22.95 for a box of four, plus delivery. Both are available from Pets Palace at and can be shipped internationally.

Click here for images of Pet Pop and Bellaqua.

About Pets Palace: Pets Palace is an online pet store which promotes lifestyle and luxury for your pet and also offers a range of designer dog clothes.

Diane Costa, Marketing Director
Pets Palace

Then there’s this innovative story pitch by Carly to plug the upcoming movie Hollywood Jerome:

Dear Crikey,

Hello, my name is Carly Beltramo and I do the public relations for a short film called Hollywood Jerome. Hollywood Jerome is the product of Malik Yusef, a former Chicago gang member turned Grammy award-winning music artist, and Frey Hoffman, an award-winning cinematographer.

It is a touching story about a young boy who idealizes Hollywood gangsters to the point where he gets swept up in a world of gang violence which ultimately leads to his demise. I think your readers would be interested in a story about the problem of gang violence in Seattle with a tie in about Hollywood Jerome.

I have attached the press release for the film which I hope you will take a look at. Please feel free to contact me by email or by phone.

Thank you for you time,
Carly Beltramo

Press Release

April 20, 2009 Carly Beltramo Public Relations for Salaam Shalom Productions

And here’s the presser:

A small piece of Chicago comes to the Seattle True Independent Film Festival

CHICAGO: Hollywood Jerome, a short, narrative film made by award winning filmmaker, Frey Hoffman, will be showing at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival.

Hollywood Jerome will be shown Sunday, June 14, 2009 at 6:15pm at the Jewel Box Theater located at 2322 2nd Avenue. Hollywood Jerome deals with four universal themes: nonviolent conflict resolution, sexual activity, media consumption, and enacting self image.

The film focuses on the possible connection between violence in the media and violence in real life. This short film is based on a poem by Grammy and Emmy award winning musician Malik Yusef, who used to be a former gang member and is also known for his work with Kanye West and Common.

“Gang violence is quickly spreading in the United States. Now is the time to raise the issue and start discussion before the problem becomes even more dangerous and unmanageable,” Frey Hoffman said on why the content in the film will be relevant to the Seattle community.

Being deeply concerned about the growing deaths from gang violence around the nation, Hoffman and Yusef are also putting together an educational program for America’s youth. The program is still in its beginning stages, but will use Hollywood Jerome to open up discussions about gangs and will teach children that gangs and violence do not lead to bright futures.

Hoffman has also assembled an outstanding team of young talent from around the city to research, shoot, and edit a documentary chronicling gang violence in Chicago. The documentary will bring the world of gang violence to the attention of communities and young people around the country where gang activity is taking place.

Hoffman and Yusef would like to invite the Seattle community to go see Hollywood Jerome at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival to be entertained, informed, and aware.

Here’s how to alienate half the population in one simple press release, care of Whyte PR:

Where do you get a disgruntled woman a shower when you’re in the middle of nowhere?

One of the biggest gripes of women coping with the great outdoors is that nature doesn’t come with hot and cold running water for showering, washing and cleaning.

Fair point when it’s left to the woman of the house/caravan/tent to ensure that outdoor kids are cleaned up, meat and fish are properly washed for meals — and the woman in question gets to shower without having to walk forever to whatever amenties may be available.

Fortunately AusJ Imports has come to the rescue of such damsels in distress with a flush-fitting and lockable exterior shower that can be fitted to just about any recreational or work vehicle, as well as motor homes, mobile accommodation, trucks, boats and caravans (in fact, just about any exterior application including homes and holiday homes needing an extra shower).

The Australasian-designed Mercury boxed exterior shower is purpose-designed for mounting in such situations, as well as interior applications requiring compact dimensions, including bedside and healthcare applications.

“An unhappy partner means an unhappy holiday, so $150 is a small price to pay,” says AusJ Imports Managing Director Jay King, whose shower design springs directly from his own experience as a keen motorhome traveler.

“An outdoor shower brings indoor luxury and practicality to people who want a hand-held or mounted shower for personal use, showering children and pets, washing fish, and cleaning food, grills, tools and work and camping gear,” he says.

Featuring a convenient hot/cold mixer tap and easily accessible off/on button or trigger on its handle, the new boxed shower can be connected to existing water supply or to AusJ’s complementary 5 and 10-litre Duoetto and Optima 12v/240v water heaters.

Coming complete with a durable 147cm vinyl hose, the shower is contained behind a paintable hatch which is fade and impact resistant and features an integrated hinge and key lock for security.

Made from tough, paintable ABS plastic, the recessed shower box requires only a 280X152.5mm exterior portal for installation. This can be simply created using a hole saw. The shower box can be mounted either horizontally or vertically for easy integration into different vehicles using concealed mounting screws. The low-profile shower box’s faucet shank extends only 34mm beyond the back of the 80mm deep formed box, further extending its suitability for mounting in vehicles, mobile homes, emergency vehicles and home, bedside and healthcare applications.

Introductory recommended retail is $150 . Trade prices are available on 0419 993 042 or email [email protected] fax 02 8211 5252 ABN 37001 889 283.

Issued by Whyte Public Relations Pty Ltd

And Family First wins Standout Press Release of Budget 09 for their BUDGET OF BROKEN DREAMS:


The Rudd government has delivered to the Australian people a Budget that is horrific because it is a Budget that destroys dreams, Family First Leader, Senator Steve Fielding said today.

“This Budget of Broken Dreams is a Budget that sends a loud and clear message to Australians that they are better off not having a dream for themselves or their families,” Senator Fielding said.

“However, tucked away in this Budget is a little gift for the Prime Minister. A boost to the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet of $13 million and an injection of 60 staff.

“At a time when Australians are told to cut back and make do, this excess by the Prime Minister is obscene.

“This Budget destroys the simple dreams of ordinary Australians:

  • of owning a home
  • of having a family
  • of a secure retirement
  • of a fair go for small business

This is a Budget that shatters the dream of a family for many by squeezing funding for IVF treatment. This Budget at its heart is a tax on mothers because 11,000 babies are born on IVF every year.

“This is a Budget that punishes Australians who want to improve their lot in life. This is a Budget that punishes incentive. It’s a Budget that takes the opposite view of the Australian ethos that if you work hard to build a good life for yourself and your family, you’ll reap your rewards.

“I understand that times are tough but in delivering this tough message, the Rudd government has also delivered a Budget that offers no hope, no incentive and crushes the simple dreams of many Australians to own a home and have a family.

“What this Budget does right is go some way towards fulfilling a promise to Australia’s long suffering pensioners that their dire position will improve. For single pensioners it has, but married pensioners would be better off divorced — that’s the message from the Rudd government as married pensioners get virtually nothing.

“Family First recognises the government’s commitment to providing 18-weeks of paid parental leave but is disappointed this scheme is being delayed until January 2011.

“Cutting the 30 percent health rebate for high-income earners is not going to work if it simply forces more people into an already stressed public system.

“Means testing the health rebate is also an unfair system because it doesn’t take into account how many kids are being supported, where the costs on families can vary significantly.”

For media enquiries phone Jo Robertson