In last night’s speech Treasurer Wayne Swan opened with prose worthy of a scene from the Lord of The Rings trilogy:
This Budget is forged in the fire of the most challenging global economic conditions since the Great Depression.
Inspired by Wayne’s rousing words, we present a Crikey adaptation: Lord of the Budgets: The Return of the Deficit (stay with us …)
As the evil GFC rapes and pillages its way across Middle Earth, two simple, merry, vittels-loving creatures from the small village of Nambour embark upon a journey to save their beloved homeland from disaster.
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A desperate Kevin Fruddo sets out to take the volatile Budget to the fires of Parliament House, pleading with best friend Wayne Swanwise to stay behind as the journey is too dangerous. But Swanwise is committed to the Treasury portfolio: “I made a promise Fruddo … I won’t leave you.”
Even in their darkest hour, as Fruddo and Swanwise realise the GFC is rapidly descending upon them (57 billion gold coins lost to the fires of Mordor!), ever-optimistic Swanwise peps up despondent Fruddo. (Is that Philip Ruddock in the background?)
But the GFC is an insidious evil that lurks everywhere and even Swanwise begins to despair…
Happily, that is when Goughalf the White appears to inspire the Fellowship of the Budget. (PS. Lindsay Taragorn, you look hot with a beard.)
At the end of a long and arduous journey to the heart of the global Recession, Fruddo and Swanwise produce a Budget “forged in the fire”.
The pENTSioners, happy about their extra 32 gold coins a week, stick it to the GFC for good measure.
* A Tortured Metaphor Production.