Say, did you hear it was a bit hot in Melbourne this week?

As a Melbourne-based media organisation, we had an inkling that things might be getting a little balmy when the thermostat ticked over to a million degrees, our shoes melted into the floor and our normally pasty, pallid complexions turned an odd scorched red colour. But our suspicions weren’t confirmed until Sky News crossed over to their Melbourne correspondent, David Lipson, who verified our hunch: “Yep, it’s pretty hot here.”

Media outlets across the country got wind of this breaking story, and coverage went into hyper-drive. Journalists quickly began asking the tough questions: Just how hot is it? How can people stay out of the heat? What do Melburnians think of heat? How are meerkats handling the heat? How are Jews handling the heat?

Before the heat had really even kicked in, the Herald Sun was running with across-the-board coverage of this hot weather ‘crisis’:

Followed by days of near-blanket coverage, including photo galleries, forums and graphs:

And today, they have officially upgraded the heatwave from being a crisis, to a fiery inferno of pain and suffering, with some subtle imagery to help less imaginative readers:

Sky News kept viewers up-to-date all week with regular crosses to Lipson, who continued to confirm that it was, indeed, still hot in Melbourne.

Media in other states also weighed in on this major issue of our times, the SMH offering this particularly insightful look at how Melburnians who use Twitter are also hot.

“It’s so hot in Melbourne our train network is melting,” wrote user biss13 on Twitter about 1.30pm.

A short time later, another user, brappy, said the heat was so bad it was enough to make him go to work early.

Yeah, it’s been a hot few days. But any Melburnian of standard intellect can probably deduce that for themselves by sticking their head out of the window. We don’t need 10 online photo galleries to belabour the point. That’s not news.

And so this week’s Wankley award goes to Melbourne — and national — media organisations for their ridiculously over-the-top weather coverage and repeatedly, hysterically telling us it’s really hot. We know.

Peter Fray

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