A familiar email has started doing the rounds again:
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no s-x.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
“BUY, BUY”: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION: Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT: Religious person who talks to God.